Ryoanji Temple

Ryoanji Temple in Kyoto, Japan is famous for its Zen garden, which is considered to be one of the most notable examples of the "dry-landscape" style.  Look  up Ryoanji Temple in any travel website or tour guide and you will find excited ravings about how amazing the Ryoanji Zen garden is.  So, I don’t know if I had my expectations too high but honestly, I was a little disappointed.  Let’s take a look: 

 

Walking up the steps of Kuri, the main building of the temple.  Our exciting Zen experience awaits!

See this picture?  Imagine 15 rocks artistically placed randomly in white gravel and you’ve pretty much summed up the Ryoanji Zen rock garden.  No trees, barely any grass, no trickling water, just rocks and gravel.  Sure, they’ve drawn some nice pretty circles in the white gravel but it’s pretty much just rocks and gravel.  Wow! And apparently this Zen garden has been wowing the masses since 1525! 

 

Speaking of the masses, people come from far and wide to see these rocks (we did after all).  They don’t just look at the rocks, they sit and contemplate the rocks for hours!  During our brief visit to the Zen garden (which we had to pay 500 yen to see by the way) I started looking at the faces of the people sitting and admiring the rocks.  I’ve never seen so many blank-faced-zoned-out people in my life.  It was like an alien spaceship came down to the Ryoanji temple, landed, sucked out the brains on the poor tourists and locals that were there, and left a few rocks as payment.  These people were seriously pondering the meaning of life, the universe, and everything while sitting with their Zen rock spirit guides.  I have nothing against this of course.  I think it’s awesome these people were finding the Zen garden to be filled with so much peace and tranquility.  I just found the whole thing rather surreal.  Surreal but pretty damn peaceful! 

I 

There’s a famous vegetarian restaurant on the temple grounds called the Ryoanji Seven Herb Tofu.  The “O” on the noren curtain above signifies affability and an earnest hope for peace and harmony in the world – one cube of tofu at a time (oh, in case you’re wondering, I added the last little bit)! 

  

The name, Ryoanji Seven Herb Tofu is not only the name of the restaurant but it’s pretty much a spot on description of the menu.  Seven Herb Tofu…that’s pretty much it.  The tofu is boiled in plain water and served to you with a dipping sauce made out of soy sauce and seven herbs (mystery herbs just like KFC).  Some people may find it too simple and too bland tasting but since I’m a fan of tofu I loved it.  It was a nice refreshing lunch.

Especially when I washed it down with great tasting hot sake!

Homesick

Every once in a while I experience homesickness from Vancouver. And when this happens I look around me here in the Philippines for references of Canada to fill that homesickness void. I'm often amazed how many Canadian references are surrounding me here. Some, in the most unlikely of places.

The local transportation is called the jeepney; and often they are great sources of Canadiana! It's an odd place to look but I always see Canadian flags painted onto the sides of jeepneys. I don't know why, but I see them all the time. And what's even more perplexing is I see more Canadian flags on jeepneys than American flags. It fills me with pride because most of the time, people here just assume I'm American. Canada always seems to be treated like the USA's misunderstood wimpy younger brother. If the jeepneys are proudly displaying our Canadian flags then I guess we're no longer misunderstood. Or, better yet, just naming a jeepney Canada is always nice too!

Across the street from me there's a mall. And in that mall there's, of all things, a Telus call center. Plastered on the side of this mall is a huge billboard advertising employment opportunities at Telus, 'The Canadian Telecommunications Company!' Telus may be Canadian, but the employees are definitely 100% Filipino. They have an open air employees' lounge on the roof of their office. And in that lounge there's a karaoke machine. And this karaoke machine spits out the typical cheesy love ballads we've all learned to love and hate. But, as I said, it's open air; and it's right across the street from me. Do you see where this is going? The Telus employees are call centers employees; they're not professional pop musicians. So, knowing this, you must realize their singing abilities are, well, to be nice, god awful. So imagine going to sleep one night and being awoken by the screeching sounds of a Filipina singing 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' at the top of her lungs. It's not a good way to awaken from a pleasurable dream. Your pleasurable dream has just become a nightmare! Needless to say my neighbours complained and got the lounge shut down. So no more bad singing during the wee hours of the morning. I often wonder if my neighbours are secretly blaming Canada for this bad singing. It is, after all, coming from 'Canada's Telecommunications Company.'

Blenz, the 'Canadian Coffee Company' is also here in Manila. Having Blenz here really creates an internal conflict in my mind. I'm really big on supporting and buying the local product. So generally, I'll go to a local coffee chain like Bo's Coffee or Figaro and have my coffee there rather than going to a Starbucks or Seattle's Best Coffee. But having a Canadian coffee shop here screws with the patriot parts of my mind that wants to support and do all I can for Canada. So what do I do in this case? Drink caffeine for Canada? Or drink caffeine for the Philippines? It's a hard decision to make. I may have to drink two coffees every day: one from Canada and one from the Philippines!

Oh, in case you're curious, coffee is massive here in the Philippines. Filipinos love their coffee! In my neighbourhood alone there's 10 coffee shops. 5 of which are Starbucks! Crazy!

A trip to the local grocery store is a trip to the who's who of Canadian exported products. Most of these exported products I've never seen in Canada! So it's somewhat amusing seeing a product line that claims to be a famous brand from Canada when I've never heard of it. I don't claim to know everything, but if it's really that famous wouldn't I know about it? I'm referring to a can goods brand called 'Selection.' Have you heard of it? I never have. What's even more interesting is that well-known brand from the Real Canadian Superstore called 'President's Choice' is available here. It's refreshing knowing I can shop here for Real Canadian Superstore products and not have to bag my own groceries (for those of you that don't know, Real Canadian Superstore keeps their prices low by having you bag your own groceries. Not only do you bag your own groceries, you also don't get any bags - unless you buy them!).

Buying Canadian brands here makes sense. Most things are internationally understood. A can of beans here is the same as a can of beans in Canada. Sure Filipinos eat different things than Canadians (except Filipino Canadians!) but canned vegetables and fruits can be utilized in every country. But what about those rare products that are 100% pure Canadian? I'm not referring to maple syrup cookies here; Filipinos would yum those up (remember they have a sweet tooth!). I'm referring to that infamous Montreal delicacy called ... poutine!

I was shocked when I saw this in the grocery store. This can as well as ten of his poutine brothers were sitting lonely at the bottom shelf of the canned vegetables section. I think it's been there for a while. It was dusty and if you look closely there's rust forming at the top of the can. Why is this here? Seriously, why is this here? Does the average Filipino off the street even know what poutine is? It's such a surreal product to find in a Philippines grocery store. Why market it here as 'poutine sauce'. Wouldn't it make more sense being marketed as something universal like say, chicken gravy? So odd. I felt sad for the can like I would feel sad for a kitten or puppy locked in a cage in a pet shop. It needed a home so I bought it. I not only bought it, but I also made it pose for this photo in front of a small Canadian flag. I wonder if it misses its poutine brothers? I wonder what a gathering of poutine cans is called? A flock? A school? A litter? A murder? A gaggle? The Bloc Québécois?

O CANADA!

Sugar

I'm sitting in a local coffee shop chain called Bo's Coffee adding a tiny bit of brown sugar to my iced americano went I noticed the guy beside me has already added five packets of sugar to his coffee and doesn't seem to be stopping anytime soon. Watching him has really reminded me how Filipinos seem to have a very avid sweet tooth. This sweet tooth goes well beyond adding insane amounts of sugar to coffee.

I've heard about Filipinos having chocolate cake for breakfast. I can barely tolerate chocolate cake in the evening let alone for breakfast.

When you order any mixed drink here, iced tea is a good example, it tends to arrive at your table oozing in sugar. Even after all this time I keep forgetting this, so when I order, and it arrives sickly sweet, I either kindly ask for a less sweet one or tolerate it, drink it down, and go through the rest of the day with a sugar-rush headache.

I remember this one time I was in a restaurant and I ordered a glass of sugarcane juice. I actually like the taste of sugarcane juice. It's surprisingly not as sweet as you would expect. It has a very nice flavour. But, for some odd reason the restaurant added what tasted like a pound of extra sugar to the sugarcane juice. What the hell? Whose bright idea was that? It's fucking sugarcane juice. It's made out of pure sugar? Why add extra to sugar to something that is already sugar? That's like forcing a sheep to wear a wool sweater. After that first taste I could feel my teeth quickly rotting away.

I just don't understand why everything here has to be so bloody sweet. If you think adding sugar to sugarcane juice is odd how about sitting down to a nice plate of sweet spaghetti. That's right, they add sugar to spaghetti sauce too. Isn't anything sacred in this world? I used to work with an Italian guy once who was fanatical about keeping Italian foods as close to old world as possible. Old traditional recipes, no modern fusion. We had many debates about the allowable ingredients a pizza should have. Being a traditionalist he thought 95% of the pizza restaurants were destroying Italian traditions (yes, he was a bit of an insane freak). I often wonder what he would think regarding Filipinos adding sugar to spaghetti sauces. He might go postal!

But you know, having Filipinos adding extra sugar to things it quite consistent with their other culinary habits. They seem to like extreme flavours. Filipino food is a combination of extreme saltiness, sweetness, and sourness. The best example I can think of that defines the Filipino palette is Bagoong Alamang with green mango. This dish effects almost every taste bud on your tongue all at once. Bagoong Alamang is shrimp paste. Think of it as the most fishy fish you've ever eaten then add lots of salt. You add it on top of green mango, which is unripe sour mango. What you end up with is an odd, but surprisingly tasty, combination that confuses your taste buds into submission. When I first tried it I wasn't sure if I liked it or not. My first impression made me think of what a sour crab apple must taste like if it was floating (and rotting) in ocean water for a few days. But, after a few more bites I found myself hooked. I'm wondering if anyone has ever tried to add sugar to the Bagoong Alamang and green mango mix. Imagine a food that effects all your taste buds at once. Your body might go into a hemorrhagic shock and you'll find yourself waking several hours later from a Bagoong Alamang coma. What a rush that would be!!

Missing in Action

I'm back! Yes, it's been a while since my last blog posting. You may wonder why I've been so lazy with the blogs lately. Looking back, when I first started this blog I was writing several blogs a week. As time went on it became several blogs a month. And now, sadly, it's become one or two blogs a month if YOU'RE LUCKY. What is the reason behind this total lack of responsibly when it comes to blog writing? Well, to be honest, I really don't have a reason. I guess I've just been lazy. I think it has a lot to do with familiarity of my experiences here in the Philippines. The longer I stay here the more familiar my experiences are; the more familiar things become the less I find them interesting; the less I find them interesting the least likely I am to write about them. It's an odd excuse I agree but I think that's the reason. My viewpoint has become so Filipino living here that I just don't see the unique Canadian perspective I once did. But, I'm attempting to work on that so hopefully within the coming weeks the Kenniverse is Pinoy blog will be teaming with fascinating and exciting experiences in the world of Pinoyness!

Now, onto the blog...

Let's see if I can summarize what has been going on in my life over the last few months. I won't bore you with basic things, IE: on November 10th, 2008 I awoke at 09:00 AM and brushed my teeth. Seriously, who really cares about that stuff (well, maybe a dentist would...), just the experiences that are noteworthy.

In November I flew back to Vancouver (without Aimee). It was my first time back in almost a year. I spent a great three weeks visiting family and friends. While there I attended Hopscotch 2008 (scotch and beer festival) with a few of my good buddies:

This photo was taken even before we started sampling all the great scotch and beers. Imagine sixty minutes later? Sixty minutes later things got a little - well - silly:

Yes, there are several rude finger profanities going on in this photo. Please don't judge us; we can't help it! We're five grown men out on an evening of drinking without our wives around to keep us sane and respectable! The book Lord of the Flies comes to mind...

Beyond drunken silliness with friends (and family) I spent the three weeks catching up with Vancouver. It's amazing how much of the city is changing with the upcoming 2010 Vancouver Olympics on its way. Olympics tourists shops are popping up all over the city and the Asian-inspired mascots (see below) seem to be plastered everywhere. In Richmond, they have already completed the Olympic speed skating rink and the Skytrain, our rapid transit rail system, finally has a station at the airport. It's not open yet but within a short time it will be.

I doubt Aimee and I will make it back to Vancouver for the 2010 Olympics but this may not be a bad thing. It's going to be impossible getting tickets for the events and imagine how insanely busy the city is going to be during that time. So no tickets to the events and sadly, no cable in our house to watch the events! We might as well stay back here in the Philippines and watch the events on the internet! We'll wave around a little Canadian flag as we do this of course!

Regarding the Vancouver 2010 mascots: I say 'Asian-inspired' because, well, to be honest, they are! Take a look:

Imagine if Hello Kitty had a birthday party and wanted to invite only characters that looked like her; the Vancouver 2010 Olympics mascots would definitely be getting an invitation for that party! I'm sure Hello Kitty would be mailing off some invitations to the mascots of the 2008 Beijing Olympics too!


What an interesting party that would be. I wonder what all the characters would talk about? What would the Vancouver mascots bring to the party? Maybe a huge slab of smoked salmon? Maple syrup cookies? BC Bud (AKA marijuana)? If Quatchi, the Vancouver Sasquatch character, were to give Jingjing, the Beijing panda character, a Vancouver magnet would he put it on his fridge? It's an interesting debate that I'm sure will go on for years.

What do I think of the Vancouver mascot characters? Personally and honestly, without any impact on the fact I live around little Asian characters everyday, I love them! I think if you're going to create a mascot for anything, make it cute. Cute mascots sell more merchandise. And if you want cute, go Asian! Hello Kitty started a trend in cuteness we've never looked back from. You can't deny it! Hello Kitty is a billionaire! I'm glad the Vancouver design team who created the mascots considered Asian cuteness! Vancouver and Asian cuteness has had a long standing relationship. Look at Expo Ernie from Vancouver's Expo 86 World Fair:

I think there's a bit of a conspiracy here. Expo Ernie isn't actually a real robot. I think Expo Ernie is actually Hello Kitty in a space suit.

See, absolutely no difference!

Since you're probably bored of mascots (and my disturbing addiction to Hello Kitty) let's get onto other things...

After my 3 week Vancouver stay in November I returned back to Manila. I spent Christmas here and was treated to a visit by my good buddy Mark. Mark is a Canadian like myself but he now lives in London, England. During his stay he took that Kenspanker jeepney photo that's now posted on the middle right-hand side of my blog. Within 5 minutes of taking that photo we saw another jeepney called the Ken&Mark. It was truly a magical day!

What a charming pair we are!

Christmas ended and Mark left. The fun didn't stop there because within a few short weeks I was back in Vancouver (with Aimee this time) for my Dad's 70th Birthday!

HAPPY 70th BIRTHDAY DAD! (now if only I could get my Dad to use the internet so he can see that birthday greeting...). Beyond the usual visiting while in Vancouver we did some shopping. Some very specific shopping. Some shopping not for us but for someone else. Someone small. Very small. Small and fleshy (I say fleshy because most of you are probably thinking I'm talking about my cat). Small, fleshy and living inside a dark place. A dark wet place. He kicks occasionally in this dark place but most of the time he sleeps. Sleeps in a fetal position... Okay, if you haven't understood what I'm talking about there's no hope for you ... ever. For the rest of you, I'm proud to announce that Aimee is 23 weeks pregnant! And it's a boy! We are both extremely overjoyed! I could go on and on about how awesome this feeling is but then I would have to change the name of this blog from The Kenniverse is Pinoy to The Kenniverse's Baby is Awesome! Maybe one day that will happen, but for now, we'll still stay in the world of pinoy!

So now that you know the news, you probably also realize I have three solid months of blog writing left before the baby zaps all my time away! Hopefully writing this blog has killed off any writer's block I had in the past! Will write more soon ... I promise!

Holiday Ham

It's Holiday Ham time here in the Philippines! Holiday Hams are individually wrapped hams in decorative Christmas-themed boxes. And for some odd reason, most of the Holiday Ham kiosks are manned by homosexuals! I'm not kidding here. They're manned by gays that are the spitting image of what a homosexual stereotype is! They sing, they dance, they giggle, they wiggle their little gay asses trying to tempt you to purchase more holiday ham. I don't know what the correlation between homosexuals and ham is, but there definitely seems to be some sort of connection here. How did this happen? Did the homosexual's involvement in the ham industry happen overnight or has it been something that's been slowly building every Christmas? I wonder if in the beginning one homosexual was hired and his ham sales were so impressive that the meat company decided to hire more homosexuals the next year. Soon, 10 years go by and nearly all ham salesmen are gay. That's one theory. Another possible theory is the top executives from the meat industry got together one day in their boardroom and tried to come up with ways to sell more ham. Imagine a bunch of overpaid suits throwing out nonsense ideas and one says, "HEY, I have it! Let's hire homosexuals to sell our ham!" In response the other executives look at each other for a moment, consider this idea, and then all in unison decide this is the best idea ever. They all pat each other on their collective backs and congratulate on a job well done. And as with most board meetings, there's always one guy who only speaks up when it's obvious everyone else approves the idea. This guy would probably say something like, "Great idea! I would buy anything from a homosexual!" The homosexual ham revolution was born! All kidding aside, I actually really DO wonder why most of these ham salesmen are gay. Is there some sort of cultural thing I'm not understanding here? Whatever the reason, this sales technique doesn't work on me. I don't eat ham; and I'm not gay. So flirting with me by making kissy noises and wiggling your ass isn't going to make me buy more ham. But, weirder things have happened in this world; if the Philippines turns me into a throbbing homosexual ham eater you may see me buying truckloads of ham off our happy gay ham friends!

I wonder what the pigs think of all this...

Cheap Booze

When you do comparison shopping between the cost of things in Canada and the cost of things here in the Philippines you'll notice how inconsistent some things are. You would assume, for example, that things produced in Canada would be cheaper in Canada and more expensive here. This isn't always the case. A good example of this is Canadian Club Whisky. Canadian Club Whisky, when purchased in British Columbia, will cost you around $30 CDN. I recently saw a bottle of Canadian Club being sold here for 400 pesos. If you're quick on the global currency conversions you're probably shocked at the huge difference between these two prices. Canadian Club, here in the Philippines, is insanely cheaper. 400 pesos works out to $9.50 CDN. MORE THAN TWENTY DOLLARS CHEAPER CANADIAN! What the hell? Canadian Club is distilled in Canada and it's more expensive in Canada. I know the liquor taxes are inflated in Canada but this is just plain silly. The fine Filipino folk can get drunk off Canadian liquor at a cheaper rate than the poor overtaxed Canadians. It's a sad sad world.

Maybe I should start up a Canadian liquor store online that sells Canadian Club back to Canadians but at the Philippines price point. I could call this reverse importation or exportation to home soil. Better yet, the next time I travel back to Canada I should fill up my suitcase with bottles of Canadian Club. When Canadian customs informs me I've gone over the allowable limit for alcohol importation I'll just tell them they're 100% wrong. I'm not importing alcohol at all, I'm just bringing these poor depressed bottles of Canadian Club back home. They didn't like the humid climate of the Philippines and wanted to come home to Canada. The customs officers will understand. Being homesick isn't a crime. Plus the customs officers should thank me; I'm feeding Canadian liquor back to Canadians. There's nothing more patriotic than that!

Kiosk Yummy!

I'm often surprised by the diversity of food kiosks here in the Philippines. If you're hungry, and craving something, it's pretty safe to assume you'll locate your desired craving in a tiny food kiosk.

I've been slowly collecting photos of food kiosks and fast food stands during my many travels here. Some were taken with my cellular so that accounts for the less-than-perfect quality. Some of the kiosks offer food you've never heard of before and others offer food you see on a daily basis. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the exciting world of Filipino food! Or, at least, enjoy the names these kiosks have been given. They're either quite clever or downright silly. You decided which is which!

Chicharific!!! Not two but three!!! exclamation marks!!! With that much energy put into the writing it must be good!!! Chicharific!!! sells chicharon which is deep fried pork skin. Not completely uncommon; people in the US or Canada know it as pork rinds.

BibingKinitan! What a mouthful! Bibingka is a Filipino dessert made from rice flour. The dessert is baked in a specially-made clay oven, with hot coal as a source of heat, placed above. Before being served, butter or margarine is spread and sugar is sprinkled over the bibingka. It is typically served with grated coconut.

Megamelt. Megamelt sells various Filipino bakery delicacies like cheese ensaymadas (it's a tastey bun-like-thing with cheese on top).

Now I understand why they designed the Megamelt logo that way: It's to give the appearence of melted cheese. But in my warped viewpoint of the world the first thing I thought of when I saw the logo was dripping blood. Maybe I'm a little twisted but the logo reminds me of the kind of font you would see in a horror movie.

Burger Machine, not technically a kiosk but since I see these little burger shacks all over the place I thought I should include it in this blog.

Schatzi’s German Sausage!

This sausage master at Schatzi’s German Sausage even looks the part. So German-esque! The thing is, although I don't eat German sausages anymore I ate a whole lot as a kid (having a German father will do that to you) and I know that their claim of offering 'Famous Delicious German Specialties' isn't 100% truthful. When I looked over the counter all I saw were standard, traditional, basic, bland, everyday wieners. Wiener's that were sausage-sized yes, but wieners nonetheless!

Balut Eggspress! Balut, for those of you unknowledgeable about the delicious Filipino delicacy is a semi-formed duck embryo eaten whole after being steamed or boiled. Perhaps a picture is necessary with this description:

Yum-o-yum!

If semi-formed duck embryo isn't your thing, Balut Eggspress also offers semi-formed chicken and quail eggs too! Steamed or boiled aren't your style? How about deep fried with a side of rice? Balut Eggspress isn't the only balut kiosk on the block, I've seen others. Sometimes a kiosk isn't even necessary. On occasion I've had people come up to my car at traffic lights trying to sell balut. People yum it up here!

KISS: King of Balls! If you like balls, KISS is the place for you. If KISS isn't good enough for you (which is pretty highly unlikely, KISS IS the KING OF BALLS after all), you can walk about ten feet to:

MORE BALLS! I often wonder if MORE BALLS really does have more balls? But how is that possible? How can MORE BALLS have more balls than the KING OF BALLS? Kings hold the highest court in the land; wouldn't they be the master of everything that is ball-plenty. To add to this ball competition, we have other kiosks with the clever names: Odd Balls, Quick Stix Squid Balls, Rolling Balls Fishball, Streetballs, and my person favourite: Wang Balls (no, I'm not kidding here. Balls are a serious matter).

Oh yes, ham. Everyone loves ham. Especially when it's a Majestic Ham! This ham isn't elegant, epic, grandiose, impressive, magnificent, splendid, or even stunning, it's simply, majestic!

You know you live in a tropical country when... Mr. Coconut for all your coconut-related needs. I wish the sales clerks had to wear coconuts on their heads. I think that would go along way with the public. People would really take you seriously if you wore a coconut on your head. I'm coconut and dammit I'm proud of it!

It's fast but is it really NACH-O FAST? I was shocked when I saw this Nach-o Fast restaurant. Usually you only find Nach-o Fast in tiny kiosks. I guess the Nach-o Fast business is doing really well. Next stop, Nach-o Fast the Canadian Edition! I wonder how they got so successful when their main competitor is called Nacho King? Just another example how being the King of something doesn't mean you're the best!

Peanut World! Isn't calling yourself the World even more egotistical than calling yourself a King? How can you claim to be the world of peanuts? Do the peanuts agree? Personally, if I want hot roasted peanuts I would buy from Peanut World's competitor: Believe It Or Nuts! Yes, I'm being serious. Believe It Or Nuts really exists! I want to open my own nuts kiosk right beside Believe It Or Nuts and call it To Be, Or Nuts To Be! Pretty clever huh?

Potato Cuddler! I don't know what a cuddler is but I'd rather not be thinking about cow udders when I'm chomping down on a french fry. I'm curious how they make the fries actually. I didn't see a deep fryer or even an oven for that matter? Rather than eating cow udder potatoes I think I'll frolic on down to...

Potato Corner! Look at those happy dancing potato guys. They're just begging to be eaten!

World Bangers! The world of all porn! It's not a hot dog, it's a haüte dog! Imagine an evening with Peanut World and World Bangers! Wow, party time!

I included this photo to show you how small these kiosk stands really are. I'm always surprised by the extensiveness of the menu items that gets produced from these stands. Don't be fooled but it's small size, these stands produce more food choices than regular restaurants!

I end this blog now with the famous Dirty Ice Cream Cart. The ice cream really isn't dirty of course, it's just a name affectionately given by the locals to describe ice cream that's sold on the street. Rather than the cream coming from cows, the cream comes from a caribou. The caribou, otherwise known as the water buffalo, is the national animal of the Philippines. Let's take a look...

So I wonder if you can call this a food kiosk? It produces a food product and comes complete with a sales clerk who really produces the food.

I wonder what Ms. Caribou would call her kiosk? Probably something like KISS: Queen of Milk, or why not just go for the whole damn thing and call her business MILK UNIVERSE!

"Mam sir would you like some really fresh milk?"

Restaurant Greeters

When you find a row of restaurants here in the Philippines you usually find several people standing out front, menu in hands, trying to convince you to pick their restaurant over the others. I use the word convince very lightly. They generally don't seem as interested as they should be about getting you inside. This is their job after all so I don't understand why most of them seem to be so bored doing it. To help to understand what it's like think of it this way: you're in a mall and there are 10 restaurants in a row all offering either similar things or completely different things from various countries. What they offer is unimportant, it's all down to being a good salesman and convincing you, the possible customer, that the restaurant they represent is the only choice for you. That's what it's about - or at least - that's what it should be about. But here in the Philippines this particular job seems to have a different requirement. It's not about advertising. And it's certainly not about convincing. It seems the only job requirement is to be slightly informative and only slightly interested in talking to you. Let me explain: you walk by this row of 10 restaurants and each greeter takes one small step closer to you, raises the menu only slightly higher in your direction, and says the following words, "_____food Sir." The blank represents the style of food in the restaurant. "Italian food Sir," "Japanese food Sir," "Chinese Food Sir," "Thai food Sir," "Filipino food Sir..." But this is all fine and dandy, I can already see the type of the food the restaurant offers even before the greeter greets me. So how is saying, "Japanese food Sir" suppose to convince me that this is my best restaurant choice? Especially considering that there might be 5 Japanese restaurants all in a row. Each greeter only saying, "Japanese food Sir." And when I ask if the food is good, the only reply I get is, "Japanese food good Sir." Yes, I know Japanese food is good but is yours good? I never seem to get an answer. It gets really funny when you're approached by a greeter that represents a restaurant that has a wide range of international dishes on their menu. Rather than saying, "Japanese food Sir" you will get either a bored, "food Sir," or just them telling you the name of the restaurant. If I was to ask them what sort of food they offer I would get a, "many foods Sir." So I start looking through the menu and reading it under my breath saying things like, "Oh, I see pasta, I see sandwiches, I see pizzas...," followed by a bored reply by the greeter of, "Yes, pasta Sir, sandwiches Sir, pizzas Sir..." So far, during my life here, I've never, ever, been approached by a greeter who really convinced me their restaurant was the only one for me. It's always overly polite and bored sounding greetings that never, ever, describe the food.

On the other side of the world in Mexico these restaurant greeters really work for your business. They will not take no for an answer. They will run up to you, menu in hand, and say things like, 'best burritos in Mexico, sexy waitresses, the most fun you will have EVER for the REST OF YOUR LIFE. THESE ARE LIFE CHANGING BURRITOS!!!" If you try to walk away they will chase after you. "WE WILL COOK YOU ANYTHING!! ANYTHING!! OUR WAITRESSES WILL SERVE YOU FOOD IN THE NUDE. OUR RESTAURANT IS THE BEST PLEASE BE OUR COSTUMER!!

Quite a difference eh? Like night and day! Either Mexicans are better salesmen or Filipinos are just more polite people? I actually don't like either of these techniques. One isn't aggressive enough, and the other is too aggressive. Is it so hard to have a greeter who sits happily in the middle?

Tiger LIVE: The Experience

Singapore is the home of Tiger Beer, and they're proud of it! I've been to many beer brewery tours in my time but Tiger Beer is the first brewery tour that truly was an EXPERIENCE. So it make perfect sense that they called their tour Tiger LIVE: The Experience. Unlike other brewery tours that just show you around and give you a brief description about the beer brewing process, Tiger Beer takes it to a whole new level. We're talking a full multimedia 4D extravaganza performance!

Here's me posing out front. I may look calm but my insides and all excited in the anticipation to find out what The Experience it all about!

You enter the front of the building and are greeted by several girls in tight little Tiger Beer outfits. We bought our tickets and were led to the first of many tour rooms. Our guide, a girl, talked about the beer making process. The first room was decorated with hops, barley, running water... all the necessary things required to make a nice cold glass of beer. The room was filled with Tiger Beer logos as well as beer bottles being transported along a conveyor belt. Once the beer making process tour was complete a gush of air filled the room and a secret door on the right opened. The gush of air was an interested addition. I felt like I was entering a space airlock and not a brewery tour. We went through the newly appeared door and once we were all through, the door sealed behind us. I could have sworn I heard the sound of a lock locking itself into place. Were we being kidnapped by Tiger Beer?

The second room was decorated like a small town. There were three buildings with large windows. The lights in the room went down and one of the windows lit up revealing two guys loading boxes of Tiger Beer into a warehouse. I guess they were the comic relief because their personalities were way over the top and silly. Think of the movie Dumb & Dumber only with gay Singaporeans. They talked about how working in the warehouse is hard work but well worth it because, well, it's for Tiger Beer after all! After several minutes of silly banter and some on the job drinking (Tiger Beer of course), the warehouse worker's window went black and one of the other windows lit up. This time it was a beer master working in a lab trying to create the most perfect glass of beer. He was overly excited about his job; a little too excited. I think, like the warehouse workers before him, he was drunk. He talked about the importance of fresh ingredients and patience to make the most perfect beer. After a few minutes his window went black and was replaced by a third window, this time with two older ladies knitting. I kid you not: old ladies knitting. I couldn't quite understand how old ladies knitting related to Tiger Beer but as they talked I saw the connection. They were talking about a brief history of Singapore. From their standpoint it was the early 1960s. After several minutes of this history lesson a third woman excitedly ran up to the two other woman and explained that Singapore has just become an independent Republic. The time frame here was back in August 9, 1965. All three ladies were extremely excited! Guess how they celebrated? With a tall cold glass of Tiger Beer of course! This windowed presentation went on for several more minutes rotating from window to window. During the last bit all three windows came on at the same time and the people said good bye. They toasted us with bottles of Tiger Beer and once the windows went black, another gush of air filled the room and another secret doorway slid open. This is where The Experience starts!

We walked in the third room and noticed a very industrial looking landscape of metal and wiring. We were led onto a large circular metal platform and were told to sit down. We seat belted ourselves in, put on the 3D glasses given to us, and sat back to take in Tiger LIVE: The 4D Experience! The lights went down and the whole room started to shake. Smoke shot out of the walls and a huge screen in front of us blipped into existence. On the screen was a 3D computer generated cartoon representation of wheat. Yes, wheat. Our hero in this story is a piece of wheat. The wheat, called Charlie, was harvested from a farm and found himself in a container with another piece of wheat, female this time. Our two heroes were brought through the whole beer making process. Somewhere along the line the two wheats had sex ... I think that was referring to the chemical reactions produced during the yeast fermentation process of beer but it was hard to understand since this 4D show kept blasting us with smoke, air and lights. At one point the whole stage lifted itself up and twisted us around so we were facing a different screen. Imagine the money thrown into this show? All this for beer! The show ended and we were led into a pub: our final stop. At this pub the bartender showed us the proper way to tap a glass of Tiger Beer. He asked for volunteers and I jumped to the challenge!

First I'm instructed to wash the glass. Make sense, who wants a dirty beer glass?

Secondly, I pour the glass. Gently Kenn, gently... don't spill any of the nectar of the Gods (the Singaporean Gods that is)!

Finally, here's me displaying my kinship glass of Tiger Beer. I look like a proud father don't I?

Here's Aimee proudly posing in front of the Tiger Beer sign. During our tour Aimee sampled Tiger Beer for the first time. She took a sip and said, "Mmm, it's pretty good", and then immediately handed her glass to me so I could finish it. I'm not quite sure what that means... she likes it enough to give it away? Girls perplex me... I'm so confused.

On our way out there was a photo booth. The booth had a big sign that read, "Give us your best Tiger pose. Pick your background and we'll superpose you on it." After the photo was taken a message appeared on the screen that read, "Tell us your e-mail address and we'll clean up the photo and send it to you." What's interesting about the line "we'll clean up the photo and send it to you" is the photo they ended up e-mailing me was worse than the first example photo taken. Oh well, bad photo or not, at least it proves we were happily enjoying our Tiger Beer Experience!

After this experience I feel I need to fulfill my Asian beer experience by taking the San Miguel brewery tour. Hopefully I can write a blog about that in the coming months...

Cheers! Toast!

Thai Food

Thai food: Delicious, satisfying, tasty, spicy, and possibly even orgasmic. I love Thai food. It's definitely up there in my list of favourite foods. Not a minor favourite either; it's at the top. It's a food choice that's possibly number one on the list; and I don't take food eating lightly. Heck, I eat more Thai food here in the Philippines than I do Filipino food. How's that for being a fan? I love Thai food so much that it's a dream to strip down naked and swim in it... Oh wait, that's too much information isn't it? Okay, sorry, moving on...

Needless to say I was excited when we started to plan our trip to Thailand.

Here's the Idiot's Guide To Thai Food. I can't include every recipe obviously, but I can include a few examples of the food we ate while we were in Thailand.

Curries. Specifically Thai green curry. Yum. The name "green" curry derives from the color of the dish. Other Thai curry dishes are identified solely by their colors, such as yellow and red curry.

The main ingredients for the sauce consist of coconut milk, green curry paste, eggplant, sugar, fish sauce, kaffir lime leaves, and thai basil leaves. The consistency of its sauce varies with the amount of coconut milk used. Green curry paste is made by pounding in a mortar green chillies, shallots, garlic, galangal, fresh turmeric, shrimp paste and salt. The paste is briefly fried in a wok and coconut milk is added, then meat and vegetables added along with a pinch of brown sugar. Finally, kaffir lime leaves and thai basil are added just at the end of cooking for fragrance.

Thai green curry can be made with meat, duck, chicken, fish or vegetables and is usually eaten as an accompaniment to rice or round rice noodles known as khanom jeen.

Pomelo Salad. Yum-o-licious. Pomelo salad isn't found only on a Thai menu, the Philippines as well has their own version. In Thailand we found ourselves subconsciously ordering pomelo salad for every meal. I say 'subconsciously' because our original plan was to order something different for every meal but somehow, pomelo salad always ended up as part of our order. After a while we became connoisseurs of pomelo salad. Every restaurant we visited became an exploration of pomelo salad and which place served the best of the best. The recipe changes from place to place but the standard ingredients include pomelo (obviously), dry-roasted peanuts, prawns, grated coconut, fish sauce (Thais love their fish sauce), lime juice, and other ingredients to taste. Yummy yum!

Pad Thai. I'm sure you know of it. Even non-fans of Thai food (are there such a thing?) know of the delicious pad thai. Pad Thai is a dish of stir-fried rice noodles with eggs, fish sauce (see, fish sauce), tamarind juice, red chili pepper, plus any combination of bean sprouts, shrimp, chicken, or tofu, garnished with crushed peanuts and coriander. It is normally served with a piece of lime, the juice of which can be added along with the usual Thai condiments.

There have evolved two different styles of Pad Thai: the version most often found in the streets of Thailand, which is relatively dry and light; and the version that seems dominant in many restaurants in the West, which may be covered in a red oil and can be heavy tasting.

Yum-tastic!

Tom Yam Soup. It is perhaps one of the most famous dishes in Thai cuisine. It is widely popular in neighboring countries such as Malaysia, Singapore, and Indonesia, and it is now also globally popularized.

Tom yum is characterized by its distinct hot and sour flavors, with fragrant herbs generously used. The basic broth is made of stock and fresh ingredients such as lemon grass, kaffir lime leaves, galangal, shallots, lime juice, fish sauce, tamarind, and crushed chili peppers.

In Thailand, tom yum is usually made with prawns (tom yum goong), chicken (tom yum gai), fish (tom yum pla), or mixed seafood (tom yum talay or tom yum po taek) and mushrooms - usually straw or oyster mushrooms. The soup is often topped with generous sprinkling of fresh chopped coriander (cilantro) leaves.

While in Thailand we were impressed by how delicious the food was everywhere. And I mean everywhere. From street food and the smallest of shack restaurants to the most expensive high class restaurants, everything was deliciously cooked and very very satisfying. I can't stress enough about how yummy all the food was. Why, I'm even salivating as I type this. Hold on, let me get a tissue... ok, I'm cleaned up ... moving on. The food listed above are a few of my personal favourites. But are they examples of true amazing Thai food? Well, let's see...

This street vendor claims to be selling Amazing Thai Food. You know he's serious about his claim, he's even named his stall 'Amazing Thai Food'. But what's so amazing about his food? Is it really more amazing that the food I listed above? Let's take a closer look...

What is it and what's so amazing about it? Okay, I'll cut to the chase here, what you're looking at is deep fried insects. That's right, insects. We have cicadas, locusts, mantises, crickets, water bugs, weaver ants, dung beetles, grasshoppers and even tarantula spiders.

Yum.

Yummy-o-yum.

Okay, I confess, I can't claim to be a member of the Fear Factor generation: I didn't eat any. At the time I wasn't interested, but later on I had second thoughts. I figured it's pretty unfair for me to write a blog about something I didn't try. Well, I apologize, I didn't try it. But from what I understand the taste isn't that bad. Think of the flavour of popcorn, roasted peanuts or even chicken (I add chicken because really, doesn't most things taste like chicken?). Or if you really want chicken how about a healthy serving of fried baby bird (head and all)? Yum. Interested? Why not? Insects are a rich source of protein, calories, vitamins and minerals. I think you should drop what you're doing now, get outside, and collect as many insects as you can. When your wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend comes home simply tell them it's Thai Food Night! After their first bite they'll probably say, 'Wow, that's the best fried chicken I've ever tasted.'

Yum-dee-yum!