Post Office - Sending Mail

Mailing a letter here in the Philippines isn't an easy task. There are no public mailboxes conveniently located anywhere. That's because there aren't any mailboxes ... period. If you want to mail a letter, you need to mail it at the post office. This may seem convenient enough but considering each city only seems to have one or two post offices, and if you live outside the post office area, you're a bit out of luck I'm afraid. Your only option if this is the case is a post office kiosk located in some malls. These kiosks may, or may not be connected to the real government run post office. Some, it seems, are privately owned small businesses that take your mail, charge you an inflated price that includes the mail cost as well as their commission, and then delivers your mail to the real post office for you. I was forced to use one of these post office kiosks today. I've mailed letters from numerous countries (Canada, the US, Hong Kong, France to name a few) and there's always a system these countries follow when it involves accepting, processing, and delivering your name. A Global Postal System if you will.

The system goes like this:
1) You enter the post office and present your letter to the clerk.

2) The clerk looks at the mailing address and then based on the letter's destination he/she will inform you the cost of mailing said letter to the listed destination. This cost is determined by a pre-organized and country-wide approved rate for the processing and delivering of mail.

3) You pay the clerk said price and he/she immediately attaches a stamp to the letter, takes it, and files it efficiently into one of numerous bins organized into various destinations and/or delivery speeds. For example, if I'm mailing a letter from Hong Kong to Canada to the bin would be labelled something like, 'international'.

4) Quite frequently, you're also given a receipt documenting the post office service you requested.

This is the system. This is the rule. Never deviant from this rule. The Post Office Gods will be very angry. My experience today must have really ticked off the Post Office Gods. Using the Post Office System/Rules listed above as a guide, I will now describe my post office kiosk experience.

1) I walked up to the post office kiosk and presented my letter to the clerk.

2) After what seemed like 5 minutes she mumbled out the price. I asked her to clarify because I didn't understand the cost she mumbled. She repeated her mumble but this time it sounded like a completely different mumble therefore the possiblity of a completely different price. After three more 'excuse me please repeat' I discovered the cost to mail a letter from the Philippines to Canada is 26 pesos.

3) I paid the clerk the 26 pesos. She took the money and I waited for her to take the letter and attach a stamp. This didn't happen. The letter just sat there on the counter. I stood there confused why the letter was still sitting there lonely and stamp-less on the counter. The Global Postal System declares that once the money for postal services are given the next step is always accepting the letter into the post office's loving arms and then concluded with the romantic relationship of a stamp being beautifully attached to the letter. It's almost like a wedding. This is the rule, and why would anyone ever want to fuck with this rule? So I stood there rotating my confused glance between the depressing naked stamp-less letter and the clerk. Letter, clerk, letter, clerk... In some ways I'm a creature of habit and order. I like things to make sense and it drives me nuts when things don't make sense. This didn't make any sense. After what seemed like five minutes the clerk asks, 'is there anything else sir?'. I reply 'no' and slowly turn and walk away. From the corner of my eye I kept looking to see if she ever took the letter off the counter and attached the stamp. No such luck; the letter continued to sit unhappily on the counter. My imagination took over: I started wondering if this post office kiosk was just a clever ploy to steal mail. I imagined the kiosk clerks opening the letter I was mailing, taking out the photos I included, framing them and decorating the kiosk with photos of Aimee and me. Thankfully I snapped out of this demented imaginary world and got back to reality. But the reality is, I still have no idea if my letter will ever make it to Canada. I'll have to keep you posted on this.

4) And oh, by the way, I was never given a receipt.

This is about sending mail. Stay tuned for an exciting blog about receiving mail!

Umbrellas

It's funny how you can get to so used gender specifics. Simple concepts like 'blue for little boys' and 'pink for little girls' gets ingrained into your psyche even as an adult. Men act certain ways and like certain things and woman also have their gender specific attitudes and interests. Obviously the study of the psychological differences between the sexes isn't any thing new. Whole libraries could be filled on this topic. My purpose of writing this blog isn't to complete with John Gray and his Men Are From Mars, Woman Are From Venus series of books but rather to talk about one small gender specific attitude towards ... umbrellas. On a rainy day in Vancouver (which, if you're a Vancouverite you're quite familiar with) it's quite easy to know the sex of the person by the umbrella they are using. Men's umbrellas are very masculine: they're long, sturdy looking, and always a manly colour like black or something equally dark. Women's umbrellas are petite, can fit comfortably into a purse, feminine looking and always happy bright colours or patterns. Women can get away with using a man's umbrella but a man caught using a woman's petite flowery-patterned umbrella may find himself mocked and/or ridiculed. Or at least, this is how the mindset is ingrained into the male psyche. So imagine my horror recently when I looked out the window, see pouring rain here in the Philippines, and realize there are no manly umbrellas in our apartment. All our umbrellas here are happy bright and sunny colours that would be at home in a baby girl's nursery and never ever in the closet of a man. I want ... no ... I NEED, my black manly umbrella. So on realizing my choices were either the mocking and ridicule brought on by using a woman's umbrella or getting drenched with rain water I opted, rather grudgingly, to stay dry and use the woman's umbrella. So I exited the building and waited until the last possible second before opening the umbrella to the rain. The umbrella opened and I walked onto the street. I embarrassingly hid my face from the passers-by knowing full well a white guy with a girl's umbrella is probably more humorous to a Filipino than a local man and his Barbie-like umbrella. I walked down the street and finally lifted the umbrella away from my cowering face so I could see the cars approaching at the intersection. What I saw shocked me. No, not only was it shocking but also Earth-shattering. 37 years of male conditioning melted away in mere seconds. What I saw was a sight no Vancouverite would ever think possible. This may shock you also. Are you ready to find out? Okay, here it is: I discovered that Filipino men don't care what sort of umbrellas they use. As long as it covers them from the rain that's all they care about. I saw men using flowered umbrellas. I saw men using happy neon yellow umbrellas. I saw men using hot pink umbrellas. I even saw one guy walking around joyously (more like skipping actually) with his bright pink Hello Kitty umbrella lifted proudly above his head. Can you believe it? No black masculine umbrellas any where. I felt like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz clicking my manly boot hills together screaming 'there's no place like home, there's no place like home.' Dammit Toto, we're definitely not in Kansas anymore!! It's the Twilight Zone of the umbrella world! It's strange but you know, it's almost comforting to see this. It's about pure logic; you need shelter from the rain and you use anything you can. Who cares what it looks like! Once I understood this logic I too proudly skipped around with my happy girl's umbrella. If the men of this country can ignore umbrella gender specifics so can I!!

Fat Wallet

When I left Canada and moved here I had a skinny wallet. It was skinny because I removed all the unnecessary junk that was weighing it down.

When we made the decision to move here I went through the process of cancelling most of my credit cards. I figured what good is a Canadian department store card in the Philippines? I had lots of cards. Too many actually. It's amazing how easy it is to get more cards and get yourself further into debt. Heck, I even had credit card companies offering me cards to move my debt around. Why have debt on only one card when you can have it spread across 20 cards? I over exaggerate when I say 20 credit cards; I didn't have that many but I did have at least 6. 6 cards add a certain amount to fatness and weight to your wallet. And if 6 credit cards weren't bad enough it's those damn points cards that add even more obesity to your wallet. Airmiles cards, points cards for departments stores, Subway sticker cards that take you forever to fill up but continuously tempt for with a free sub, cards from coffee shops telling you your 10th cup of coffee is free if you buy the first 9... the list goes on and on but what it all boils down to is a really fat wallet. So without all those cards my wallet was nice and skinny. It was really liberating burning off all those wallet pounds. I could gently slip my nice skinny wallet into my pocket and no one could tell it was there. No bulge. No huge wallet that makes my ass look 10 times larger. Sweet sweet skinny!

That was then... let's talk about now. When we arrived here I got myself a Mastercard attached to a Filipino bank branch. That's the first card. From there I found myself being offered various points cards for various stores. When I wasn't offered points cards I stupidly began applying for them. I'm not sure why. I don't think it was the promise of great discounts that tempted me. Most of these cards have a points system I don't even understand. You start off with points and then the points turn into e-cash and then the e-cash turns into discounts and finally the discounts turn into free stuff. So basically, after 4 decades of using the points card I may, or may not start getting free stuff! I guess it was the promise of free stuff that tempted me. So here I now, once again, with a fat wallet. It's not only fat, it's obese. It's larger than it was in Canada! You think I would have learned from the fat wallet mistakes of my past but obviously I have not! I guess I am forever destined to a world of fatness....

Cheap Booze

When you do comparison shopping between the cost of things in Canada and the cost of things here in the Philippines you'll notice how inconsistent some things are. You would assume, for example, that things produced in Canada would be cheaper in Canada and more expensive here. This isn't always the case. A good example of this is Canadian Club Whisky. Canadian Club Whisky, when purchased in British Columbia, will cost you around $30 CDN. I recently saw a bottle of Canadian Club being sold here for 400 pesos. If you're quick on the global currency conversions you're probably shocked at the huge difference between these two prices. Canadian Club, here in the Philippines, is insanely cheaper. 400 pesos works out to $9.50 CDN. MORE THAN TWENTY DOLLARS CHEAPER CANADIAN! What the hell? Canadian Club is distilled in Canada and it's more expensive in Canada. I know the liquor taxes are inflated in Canada but this is just plain silly. The fine Filipino folk can get drunk off Canadian liquor at a cheaper rate than the poor overtaxed Canadians. It's a sad sad world.

Maybe I should start up a Canadian liquor store online that sells Canadian Club back to Canadians but at the Philippines price point. I could call this reverse importation or exportation to home soil. Better yet, the next time I travel back to Canada I should fill up my suitcase with bottles of Canadian Club. When Canadian customs informs me I've gone over the allowable limit for alcohol importation I'll just tell them they're 100% wrong. I'm not importing alcohol at all, I'm just bringing these poor depressed bottles of Canadian Club back home. They didn't like the humid climate of the Philippines and wanted to come home to Canada. The customs officers will understand. Being homesick isn't a crime. Plus the customs officers should thank me; I'm feeding Canadian liquor back to Canadians. There's nothing more patriotic than that!

Kiosk Yummy!

I'm often surprised by the diversity of food kiosks here in the Philippines. If you're hungry, and craving something, it's pretty safe to assume you'll locate your desired craving in a tiny food kiosk.

I've been slowly collecting photos of food kiosks and fast food stands during my many travels here. Some were taken with my cellular so that accounts for the less-than-perfect quality. Some of the kiosks offer food you've never heard of before and others offer food you see on a daily basis. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the exciting world of Filipino food! Or, at least, enjoy the names these kiosks have been given. They're either quite clever or downright silly. You decided which is which!

Chicharific!!! Not two but three!!! exclamation marks!!! With that much energy put into the writing it must be good!!! Chicharific!!! sells chicharon which is deep fried pork skin. Not completely uncommon; people in the US or Canada know it as pork rinds.

BibingKinitan! What a mouthful! Bibingka is a Filipino dessert made from rice flour. The dessert is baked in a specially-made clay oven, with hot coal as a source of heat, placed above. Before being served, butter or margarine is spread and sugar is sprinkled over the bibingka. It is typically served with grated coconut.

Megamelt. Megamelt sells various Filipino bakery delicacies like cheese ensaymadas (it's a tastey bun-like-thing with cheese on top).

Now I understand why they designed the Megamelt logo that way: It's to give the appearence of melted cheese. But in my warped viewpoint of the world the first thing I thought of when I saw the logo was dripping blood. Maybe I'm a little twisted but the logo reminds me of the kind of font you would see in a horror movie.

Burger Machine, not technically a kiosk but since I see these little burger shacks all over the place I thought I should include it in this blog.

Schatzi’s German Sausage!

This sausage master at Schatzi’s German Sausage even looks the part. So German-esque! The thing is, although I don't eat German sausages anymore I ate a whole lot as a kid (having a German father will do that to you) and I know that their claim of offering 'Famous Delicious German Specialties' isn't 100% truthful. When I looked over the counter all I saw were standard, traditional, basic, bland, everyday wieners. Wiener's that were sausage-sized yes, but wieners nonetheless!

Balut Eggspress! Balut, for those of you unknowledgeable about the delicious Filipino delicacy is a semi-formed duck embryo eaten whole after being steamed or boiled. Perhaps a picture is necessary with this description:

Yum-o-yum!

If semi-formed duck embryo isn't your thing, Balut Eggspress also offers semi-formed chicken and quail eggs too! Steamed or boiled aren't your style? How about deep fried with a side of rice? Balut Eggspress isn't the only balut kiosk on the block, I've seen others. Sometimes a kiosk isn't even necessary. On occasion I've had people come up to my car at traffic lights trying to sell balut. People yum it up here!

KISS: King of Balls! If you like balls, KISS is the place for you. If KISS isn't good enough for you (which is pretty highly unlikely, KISS IS the KING OF BALLS after all), you can walk about ten feet to:

MORE BALLS! I often wonder if MORE BALLS really does have more balls? But how is that possible? How can MORE BALLS have more balls than the KING OF BALLS? Kings hold the highest court in the land; wouldn't they be the master of everything that is ball-plenty. To add to this ball competition, we have other kiosks with the clever names: Odd Balls, Quick Stix Squid Balls, Rolling Balls Fishball, Streetballs, and my person favourite: Wang Balls (no, I'm not kidding here. Balls are a serious matter).

Oh yes, ham. Everyone loves ham. Especially when it's a Majestic Ham! This ham isn't elegant, epic, grandiose, impressive, magnificent, splendid, or even stunning, it's simply, majestic!

You know you live in a tropical country when... Mr. Coconut for all your coconut-related needs. I wish the sales clerks had to wear coconuts on their heads. I think that would go along way with the public. People would really take you seriously if you wore a coconut on your head. I'm coconut and dammit I'm proud of it!

It's fast but is it really NACH-O FAST? I was shocked when I saw this Nach-o Fast restaurant. Usually you only find Nach-o Fast in tiny kiosks. I guess the Nach-o Fast business is doing really well. Next stop, Nach-o Fast the Canadian Edition! I wonder how they got so successful when their main competitor is called Nacho King? Just another example how being the King of something doesn't mean you're the best!

Peanut World! Isn't calling yourself the World even more egotistical than calling yourself a King? How can you claim to be the world of peanuts? Do the peanuts agree? Personally, if I want hot roasted peanuts I would buy from Peanut World's competitor: Believe It Or Nuts! Yes, I'm being serious. Believe It Or Nuts really exists! I want to open my own nuts kiosk right beside Believe It Or Nuts and call it To Be, Or Nuts To Be! Pretty clever huh?

Potato Cuddler! I don't know what a cuddler is but I'd rather not be thinking about cow udders when I'm chomping down on a french fry. I'm curious how they make the fries actually. I didn't see a deep fryer or even an oven for that matter? Rather than eating cow udder potatoes I think I'll frolic on down to...

Potato Corner! Look at those happy dancing potato guys. They're just begging to be eaten!

World Bangers! The world of all porn! It's not a hot dog, it's a haüte dog! Imagine an evening with Peanut World and World Bangers! Wow, party time!

I included this photo to show you how small these kiosk stands really are. I'm always surprised by the extensiveness of the menu items that gets produced from these stands. Don't be fooled but it's small size, these stands produce more food choices than regular restaurants!

I end this blog now with the famous Dirty Ice Cream Cart. The ice cream really isn't dirty of course, it's just a name affectionately given by the locals to describe ice cream that's sold on the street. Rather than the cream coming from cows, the cream comes from a caribou. The caribou, otherwise known as the water buffalo, is the national animal of the Philippines. Let's take a look...

So I wonder if you can call this a food kiosk? It produces a food product and comes complete with a sales clerk who really produces the food.

I wonder what Ms. Caribou would call her kiosk? Probably something like KISS: Queen of Milk, or why not just go for the whole damn thing and call her business MILK UNIVERSE!

"Mam sir would you like some really fresh milk?"

I See White People

I've lived in the Philippines for almost a year now and I've gotten pretty much used to being the only white person in the village. Of course, I'm not really the only white person in the village (village being neighbourhood) but sometimes I can go several weeks without seeing another Caucasian. At first this bothered me. Not because I'm white and Filipinos aren't but because being white means I really stand out. I stand out, and people stare at me because of it. Especially kids because they don't know any better. They stare, and continue staring even when I stare back. At least with adults once I stare back they quickly look away and pretend they weren't staring in the first place. I hated standing out, and I hated being stared at. In Vancouver I liked blending in with the crowd. Sure, Vancouver is a mosaic of several races/cultures but it's still so easy to blend in with the crowd. Here in the Philippines, I can't blend; they treat me like some odd celebrity which to this day I still don't understand. So imagine being a shy guy who hates standing out in a crowd who ends up moving to a country where blending is impossible. Let's just say my first few months here were rather awkward. The staring really bothered me. But as time went by I got used to my odd celebrity status and now although I don't necessarily revel in it, it definitely doesn't bother me as much anymore.

Now that you've read above, I can tell you about a new development in my life here: I've become like those staring Filipinos. Since I hardly ever see Caucasians anymore it actually freaks me out when I see large groups of them. I'm not used to it. I'm used to the happy, friendly Filipino faces, not the like often serious and grumpy looking Caucasian faces. When ever I see Caucasians I find myself wondering if I should stare at them, smile at them, or ignore them altogether. Maybe this is the same thought patterns a local Filipino has when they see me. I think like them now so I'm one step closer to being pinoy!

"Mam Sir"

People are always greeting me here. No matter where I go, people are always greeting me with a soft spoken, "Good morning Sir," "Good afternoon Sir," "Good evening Sir," or a simple "Hello Sir," or an even simpler plain old "Sir." But, I find when I go into stores where it's become second nature for the sales clerks to greet the shoppers they hardly ever pay attention if you're male or female. It seems as soon as they see someone walking towards them in the corner of their eye they will automatically say, "Yes Mam Sir." Not ma'am, but mam. Many times I've been called this androgynous (or would that be hermaphrodite?) term. It's not a direct reflection of my masculine sexuality; I'm not really both a ma'am and a sir, I'm just greeted this way because I guess some of these shop clerks are too lazy to look up, see what gender I am, and then adjust their greeting to fit my masculine form. I'm happy to say that so far, I've never been just a 'mam.' It's either Sir, or Mam Sir. It gets really funny when a sales clerk even after looking up and seeing your gender continues with the 'Mam Sir' greeting.

Maybe Filipinos are just preparing us for the inevitable evolutionary next step. In a couple million more years we might all be androgynous anyhow and reproduce via cloning rather than man and woman intercourse. In a world like this, where you're neither man nor woman, then the 'Mam Sir" greeting is spot on. Filipinos are smart; they think ahead!

Siesta

Filipinos, like every good Spanish influenced people really enjoy, and are serious about, their afternoon siesta. Around lunch time it's quite common to see people sleeping in the oddest of places. I was at Aimee's office once around lunch time and saw people, as soon as the clock turned 12 noon, pull pillows out of their desk drawers, plop them down onto their desk tops and immediately face plant their heads into the pillows. The face plants were instantly complimented by a round of snoring. Sleeping at your desk is a pretty safe thing to do. What are the chances that you could do some bodily harm to yourself while sleeping at your desk? Pretty nil. But imagine a little siesta in places much more dangerous; like perhaps a construction site. I took these two photos the other day of construction workers having a little afternoon siesta:

The guys sleeping on the ground are pretty safe. Safe from falling that is. But look at the guy sleeping above them. Let's take a closer look:
This guy is a true, seasoned professional siesta master. I would be terrified sleeping on a flimsy board twelve feet off the ground. But yet, this guy does it! He seems pretty relaxed and not worried one bit about the board breaking or him rolling off onto the ground below. Amazing. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised by this. Filipinos are always doing death defying stunts like this. I see construction workers all the time doing things like welding without a protective mask or lifting heavy toe breaking machinery without protective boot wear. Protective boots? Heck, they only wear flip flops most of the time.

They are a brave fearless people these Filipinos!

Cockhouse

A few months ago I wrote a blog talking about the number of cocks here in the Philippines. Cocks are everywhere! So now that you know this, then you shouldn't be overly surprised when I tell you about a chain of cock-related stores here called Cockhouse. They sell a number of exciting cock-related merchandise for your daily cock needs.

A brief product list:

Cock hats
Cock shirts
Cock clocks
Cock cups
Cock puzzles
Cock key chains
Cock DVDs
Cock books...

...and when you're finished dressing yourself up in cock-related goodness then it's time to pamper your cock. They sell:

Cock feed
Cock shampoo
Cock clippers
Cock clothing
Cock medicine

Cock medicine? Yes, cock medicine. Cock fighting is sadly still legal here.; so people treat their cocks like little lightweight champion boxers. And like boxers, they need to be pumped up full of vitamins and medicines to keep them fighting longer, faster, and more efficiently. Some of the products even sound like cock steroids!

I swear that there are more products for cocks in this country than for cats. Poor pussy, being overshadowed by a bunch of cocks...

Cheap Labour

Labour is cheap here in the Philippines. Anything that involves actual manual labour of some sort is way cheaper in comparison to Canada. Visits to the dentists are cheaper. Haircuts are cheaper. Massages are way cheaper. Installations of things are cheaper. A current example of cheap labour regarding installations happened to me today. In Canada when I wanted internet hooked up in my home the internet company sent me one guy. This one guy dealt with the hardware installation, the software installation, and the product testing. One guy. Today I was getting internet hooked up in our condo and the internet company sent three guys (or at least I think it was only three: the first visit consisted of two guys and the second visit consisted of three guys. I'm 89% sure the second group of three included the first group of two. I might be wrong and if that's the case, my internet experience consisted of five guys!). These three (or five) guys consisted of the hardware, hardware (yes, two hardwares) and product testing. One job per technician. The first technician tested the phone lines to see if they were working. The second guy took the router out of the box and plugged the cabling in. The third guy tested the internet connection. By 'testing' I'm referring to him calling me over to show me an exciting rap video he was playing off YouTube. Three guys! I wonder if the last technician, the testing technician, picks the same rap video for every customer or if he mixes it up a bit. Maybe he picks a video that best represents - to his knowledge - the interests of the costumer. If that's the case, I'm curious why he thinks this white boy from Vancouver, Canada is down with the homies. Yo Brotha, I'm down with the Pinoy!

You would think having three technicians would make the job more fast and efficient but oddly enough, it was less efficient. My appointment for the installation was suppose to be yesterday morning but when they didn't show up and I had to set up a new time of 11am today, they decided to show up at 8am when I wasn't at home. 11am rolls around, I get home, call them, and discover they've not only left the building but left the city too! Thankfully, eventually, amazingly, they showed up around lunch time which to a Filipino is a very important siesta time (blame the Spanish influence for that one). I'm honoured they sacrificed their little afternoon nap for little old me! Thank you Gentlemen Technicians, this Canadian boy salutes you!