Kiosk Yummy!

I'm often surprised by the diversity of food kiosks here in the Philippines. If you're hungry, and craving something, it's pretty safe to assume you'll locate your desired craving in a tiny food kiosk.

I've been slowly collecting photos of food kiosks and fast food stands during my many travels here. Some were taken with my cellular so that accounts for the less-than-perfect quality. Some of the kiosks offer food you've never heard of before and others offer food you see on a daily basis. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the exciting world of Filipino food! Or, at least, enjoy the names these kiosks have been given. They're either quite clever or downright silly. You decided which is which!

Chicharific!!! Not two but three!!! exclamation marks!!! With that much energy put into the writing it must be good!!! Chicharific!!! sells chicharon which is deep fried pork skin. Not completely uncommon; people in the US or Canada know it as pork rinds.

BibingKinitan! What a mouthful! Bibingka is a Filipino dessert made from rice flour. The dessert is baked in a specially-made clay oven, with hot coal as a source of heat, placed above. Before being served, butter or margarine is spread and sugar is sprinkled over the bibingka. It is typically served with grated coconut.

Megamelt. Megamelt sells various Filipino bakery delicacies like cheese ensaymadas (it's a tastey bun-like-thing with cheese on top).

Now I understand why they designed the Megamelt logo that way: It's to give the appearence of melted cheese. But in my warped viewpoint of the world the first thing I thought of when I saw the logo was dripping blood. Maybe I'm a little twisted but the logo reminds me of the kind of font you would see in a horror movie.

Burger Machine, not technically a kiosk but since I see these little burger shacks all over the place I thought I should include it in this blog.

Schatzi’s German Sausage!

This sausage master at Schatzi’s German Sausage even looks the part. So German-esque! The thing is, although I don't eat German sausages anymore I ate a whole lot as a kid (having a German father will do that to you) and I know that their claim of offering 'Famous Delicious German Specialties' isn't 100% truthful. When I looked over the counter all I saw were standard, traditional, basic, bland, everyday wieners. Wiener's that were sausage-sized yes, but wieners nonetheless!

Balut Eggspress! Balut, for those of you unknowledgeable about the delicious Filipino delicacy is a semi-formed duck embryo eaten whole after being steamed or boiled. Perhaps a picture is necessary with this description:

Yum-o-yum!

If semi-formed duck embryo isn't your thing, Balut Eggspress also offers semi-formed chicken and quail eggs too! Steamed or boiled aren't your style? How about deep fried with a side of rice? Balut Eggspress isn't the only balut kiosk on the block, I've seen others. Sometimes a kiosk isn't even necessary. On occasion I've had people come up to my car at traffic lights trying to sell balut. People yum it up here!

KISS: King of Balls! If you like balls, KISS is the place for you. If KISS isn't good enough for you (which is pretty highly unlikely, KISS IS the KING OF BALLS after all), you can walk about ten feet to:

MORE BALLS! I often wonder if MORE BALLS really does have more balls? But how is that possible? How can MORE BALLS have more balls than the KING OF BALLS? Kings hold the highest court in the land; wouldn't they be the master of everything that is ball-plenty. To add to this ball competition, we have other kiosks with the clever names: Odd Balls, Quick Stix Squid Balls, Rolling Balls Fishball, Streetballs, and my person favourite: Wang Balls (no, I'm not kidding here. Balls are a serious matter).

Oh yes, ham. Everyone loves ham. Especially when it's a Majestic Ham! This ham isn't elegant, epic, grandiose, impressive, magnificent, splendid, or even stunning, it's simply, majestic!

You know you live in a tropical country when... Mr. Coconut for all your coconut-related needs. I wish the sales clerks had to wear coconuts on their heads. I think that would go along way with the public. People would really take you seriously if you wore a coconut on your head. I'm coconut and dammit I'm proud of it!

It's fast but is it really NACH-O FAST? I was shocked when I saw this Nach-o Fast restaurant. Usually you only find Nach-o Fast in tiny kiosks. I guess the Nach-o Fast business is doing really well. Next stop, Nach-o Fast the Canadian Edition! I wonder how they got so successful when their main competitor is called Nacho King? Just another example how being the King of something doesn't mean you're the best!

Peanut World! Isn't calling yourself the World even more egotistical than calling yourself a King? How can you claim to be the world of peanuts? Do the peanuts agree? Personally, if I want hot roasted peanuts I would buy from Peanut World's competitor: Believe It Or Nuts! Yes, I'm being serious. Believe It Or Nuts really exists! I want to open my own nuts kiosk right beside Believe It Or Nuts and call it To Be, Or Nuts To Be! Pretty clever huh?

Potato Cuddler! I don't know what a cuddler is but I'd rather not be thinking about cow udders when I'm chomping down on a french fry. I'm curious how they make the fries actually. I didn't see a deep fryer or even an oven for that matter? Rather than eating cow udder potatoes I think I'll frolic on down to...

Potato Corner! Look at those happy dancing potato guys. They're just begging to be eaten!

World Bangers! The world of all porn! It's not a hot dog, it's a haüte dog! Imagine an evening with Peanut World and World Bangers! Wow, party time!

I included this photo to show you how small these kiosk stands really are. I'm always surprised by the extensiveness of the menu items that gets produced from these stands. Don't be fooled but it's small size, these stands produce more food choices than regular restaurants!

I end this blog now with the famous Dirty Ice Cream Cart. The ice cream really isn't dirty of course, it's just a name affectionately given by the locals to describe ice cream that's sold on the street. Rather than the cream coming from cows, the cream comes from a caribou. The caribou, otherwise known as the water buffalo, is the national animal of the Philippines. Let's take a look...

So I wonder if you can call this a food kiosk? It produces a food product and comes complete with a sales clerk who really produces the food.

I wonder what Ms. Caribou would call her kiosk? Probably something like KISS: Queen of Milk, or why not just go for the whole damn thing and call her business MILK UNIVERSE!

"Mam sir would you like some really fresh milk?"

I See White People

I've lived in the Philippines for almost a year now and I've gotten pretty much used to being the only white person in the village. Of course, I'm not really the only white person in the village (village being neighbourhood) but sometimes I can go several weeks without seeing another Caucasian. At first this bothered me. Not because I'm white and Filipinos aren't but because being white means I really stand out. I stand out, and people stare at me because of it. Especially kids because they don't know any better. They stare, and continue staring even when I stare back. At least with adults once I stare back they quickly look away and pretend they weren't staring in the first place. I hated standing out, and I hated being stared at. In Vancouver I liked blending in with the crowd. Sure, Vancouver is a mosaic of several races/cultures but it's still so easy to blend in with the crowd. Here in the Philippines, I can't blend; they treat me like some odd celebrity which to this day I still don't understand. So imagine being a shy guy who hates standing out in a crowd who ends up moving to a country where blending is impossible. Let's just say my first few months here were rather awkward. The staring really bothered me. But as time went by I got used to my odd celebrity status and now although I don't necessarily revel in it, it definitely doesn't bother me as much anymore.

Now that you've read above, I can tell you about a new development in my life here: I've become like those staring Filipinos. Since I hardly ever see Caucasians anymore it actually freaks me out when I see large groups of them. I'm not used to it. I'm used to the happy, friendly Filipino faces, not the like often serious and grumpy looking Caucasian faces. When ever I see Caucasians I find myself wondering if I should stare at them, smile at them, or ignore them altogether. Maybe this is the same thought patterns a local Filipino has when they see me. I think like them now so I'm one step closer to being pinoy!

"Mam Sir"

People are always greeting me here. No matter where I go, people are always greeting me with a soft spoken, "Good morning Sir," "Good afternoon Sir," "Good evening Sir," or a simple "Hello Sir," or an even simpler plain old "Sir." But, I find when I go into stores where it's become second nature for the sales clerks to greet the shoppers they hardly ever pay attention if you're male or female. It seems as soon as they see someone walking towards them in the corner of their eye they will automatically say, "Yes Mam Sir." Not ma'am, but mam. Many times I've been called this androgynous (or would that be hermaphrodite?) term. It's not a direct reflection of my masculine sexuality; I'm not really both a ma'am and a sir, I'm just greeted this way because I guess some of these shop clerks are too lazy to look up, see what gender I am, and then adjust their greeting to fit my masculine form. I'm happy to say that so far, I've never been just a 'mam.' It's either Sir, or Mam Sir. It gets really funny when a sales clerk even after looking up and seeing your gender continues with the 'Mam Sir' greeting.

Maybe Filipinos are just preparing us for the inevitable evolutionary next step. In a couple million more years we might all be androgynous anyhow and reproduce via cloning rather than man and woman intercourse. In a world like this, where you're neither man nor woman, then the 'Mam Sir" greeting is spot on. Filipinos are smart; they think ahead!

Siesta

Filipinos, like every good Spanish influenced people really enjoy, and are serious about, their afternoon siesta. Around lunch time it's quite common to see people sleeping in the oddest of places. I was at Aimee's office once around lunch time and saw people, as soon as the clock turned 12 noon, pull pillows out of their desk drawers, plop them down onto their desk tops and immediately face plant their heads into the pillows. The face plants were instantly complimented by a round of snoring. Sleeping at your desk is a pretty safe thing to do. What are the chances that you could do some bodily harm to yourself while sleeping at your desk? Pretty nil. But imagine a little siesta in places much more dangerous; like perhaps a construction site. I took these two photos the other day of construction workers having a little afternoon siesta:

The guys sleeping on the ground are pretty safe. Safe from falling that is. But look at the guy sleeping above them. Let's take a closer look:
This guy is a true, seasoned professional siesta master. I would be terrified sleeping on a flimsy board twelve feet off the ground. But yet, this guy does it! He seems pretty relaxed and not worried one bit about the board breaking or him rolling off onto the ground below. Amazing. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised by this. Filipinos are always doing death defying stunts like this. I see construction workers all the time doing things like welding without a protective mask or lifting heavy toe breaking machinery without protective boot wear. Protective boots? Heck, they only wear flip flops most of the time.

They are a brave fearless people these Filipinos!

Cockhouse

A few months ago I wrote a blog talking about the number of cocks here in the Philippines. Cocks are everywhere! So now that you know this, then you shouldn't be overly surprised when I tell you about a chain of cock-related stores here called Cockhouse. They sell a number of exciting cock-related merchandise for your daily cock needs.

A brief product list:

Cock hats
Cock shirts
Cock clocks
Cock cups
Cock puzzles
Cock key chains
Cock DVDs
Cock books...

...and when you're finished dressing yourself up in cock-related goodness then it's time to pamper your cock. They sell:

Cock feed
Cock shampoo
Cock clippers
Cock clothing
Cock medicine

Cock medicine? Yes, cock medicine. Cock fighting is sadly still legal here.; so people treat their cocks like little lightweight champion boxers. And like boxers, they need to be pumped up full of vitamins and medicines to keep them fighting longer, faster, and more efficiently. Some of the products even sound like cock steroids!

I swear that there are more products for cocks in this country than for cats. Poor pussy, being overshadowed by a bunch of cocks...