Thursday, March 26, 2009

Homesick

Every once in a while I experience homesickness from Vancouver. And when this happens I look around me here in the Philippines for references of Canada to fill that homesickness void. I'm often amazed how many Canadian references are surrounding me here. Some, in the most unlikely of places.

The local transportation is called the jeepney; and often they are great sources of Canadiana! It's an odd place to look but I always see Canadian flags painted onto the sides of jeepneys. I don't know why, but I see them all the time. And what's even more perplexing is I see more Canadian flags on jeepneys than American flags. It fills me with pride because most of the time, people here just assume I'm American. Canada always seems to be treated like the USA's misunderstood wimpy younger brother. If the jeepneys are proudly displaying our Canadian flags then I guess we're no longer misunderstood. Or, better yet, just naming a jeepney Canada is always nice too!

Across the street from me there's a mall. And in that mall there's, of all things, a Telus call center. Plastered on the side of this mall is a huge billboard advertising employment opportunities at Telus, 'The Canadian Telecommunications Company!' Telus may be Canadian, but the employees are definitely 100% Filipino. They have an open air employees' lounge on the roof of their office. And in that lounge there's a karaoke machine. And this karaoke machine spits out the typical cheesy love ballads we've all learned to love and hate. But, as I said, it's open air; and it's right across the street from me. Do you see where this is going? The Telus employees are call centers employees; they're not professional pop musicians. So, knowing this, you must realize their singing abilities are, well, to be nice, god awful. So imagine going to sleep one night and being awoken by the screeching sounds of a Filipina singing 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' at the top of her lungs. It's not a good way to awaken from a pleasurable dream. Your pleasurable dream has just become a nightmare! Needless to say my neighbours complained and got the lounge shut down. So no more bad singing during the wee hours of the morning. I often wonder if my neighbours are secretly blaming Canada for this bad singing. It is, after all, coming from 'Canada's Telecommunications Company.'

Blenz, the 'Canadian Coffee Company' is also here in Manila. Having Blenz here really creates an internal conflict in my mind. I'm really big on supporting and buying the local product. So generally, I'll go to a local coffee chain like Bo's Coffee or Figaro and have my coffee there rather than going to a Starbucks or Seattle's Best Coffee. But having a Canadian coffee shop here screws with the patriot parts of my mind that wants to support and do all I can for Canada. So what do I do in this case? Drink caffeine for Canada? Or drink caffeine for the Philippines? It's a hard decision to make. I may have to drink two coffees every day: one from Canada and one from the Philippines!

Oh, in case you're curious, coffee is massive here in the Philippines. Filipinos love their coffee! In my neighbourhood alone there's 10 coffee shops. 5 of which are Starbucks! Crazy!

A trip to the local grocery store is a trip to the who's who of Canadian exported products. Most of these exported products I've never seen in Canada! So it's somewhat amusing seeing a product line that claims to be a famous brand from Canada when I've never heard of it. I don't claim to know everything, but if it's really that famous wouldn't I know about it? I'm referring to a can goods brand called 'Selection.' Have you heard of it? I never have. What's even more interesting is that well-known brand from the Real Canadian Superstore called 'President's Choice' is available here. It's refreshing knowing I can shop here for Real Canadian Superstore products and not have to bag my own groceries (for those of you that don't know, Real Canadian Superstore keeps their prices low by having you bag your own groceries. Not only do you bag your own groceries, you also don't get any bags - unless you buy them!).

Buying Canadian brands here makes sense. Most things are internationally understood. A can of beans here is the same as a can of beans in Canada. Sure Filipinos eat different things than Canadians (except Filipino Canadians!) but canned vegetables and fruits can be utilized in every country. But what about those rare products that are 100% pure Canadian? I'm not referring to maple syrup cookies here; Filipinos would yum those up (remember they have a sweet tooth!). I'm referring to that infamous Montreal delicacy called ... poutine!

I was shocked when I saw this in the grocery store. This can as well as ten of his poutine brothers were sitting lonely at the bottom shelf of the canned vegetables section. I think it's been there for a while. It was dusty and if you look closely there's rust forming at the top of the can. Why is this here? Seriously, why is this here? Does the average Filipino off the street even know what poutine is? It's such a surreal product to find in a Philippines grocery store. Why market it here as 'poutine sauce'. Wouldn't it make more sense being marketed as something universal like say, chicken gravy? So odd. I felt sad for the can like I would feel sad for a kitten or puppy locked in a cage in a pet shop. It needed a home so I bought it. I not only bought it, but I also made it pose for this photo in front of a small Canadian flag. I wonder if it misses its poutine brothers? I wonder what a gathering of poutine cans is called? A flock? A school? A litter? A murder? A gaggle? The Bloc Québécois?

O CANADA!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Annual Report

When I first moved to the Philippines I was given an ACR (Alien Certificate of Registration) card which allows me to stay in the country indefinitely. Not everyone can get this card; I only received it because I'm married to a Filipino citizen. If you are curious about the process of getting the card I wrote about it several years ago in one of my first blogs (if you click on the title of this blog you will be redirected there). The card has my picture on it as well as fingerprints and other personal information all readable via a data chip. So it's pretty well documented in government files about who I am and how long I've lived here. It's all pretty high tech but it's amusing with all this technology how certain things get either forgotten or misplaced. A good example is this is something called the 'Annual Report'. The Annual Report involves me going down to the government immigration offices at the start of every year and paying a small fee to remain in the country. It's mandatory, as in, I have to do this. What's amusing is I was NEVER told I had to do this. On the day I picked up my ACR card no one sat me down and said, 'Kenn, you need to report to the immigration offices at the start of every year and pay a fee.' Also, the government has my mailing address, did they ever send me a letter reminding me to do this? No, they didn't. How did I finally find out about it? Through gossip, that's how. I heard a rumour that ACR card holders have to do this so I went down to the immigration offices to investigate. I discovered upon arriving there that the rumour was true: every year in January I need to report to the government immigration office and pay the fee so they can update my records. Every year. Every darn year. No skipping a year here or there, every bloody year. So now I know! Knowledge is power! But, as always, knowing something ends up opening more questions. First question: if this is so important why wasn't I told every time I tried to leave or enter the country that my ACR status needed to be updated? I've lived in this country for more than two years now, that's two years of never reporting to the immigration offices and paying the fee but no one ever told me it had to be done. Why is that? I think it's because every month I don't pay the fee I get FINED! We're talking two years of fines here. The Annual Report fee is only 300 pesos. That's a mere $7.64 CAD PER YEAR! The fine, on the other hand, is 200 pesos ($5.09 CAD) PER MONTH. So needless to say, after two years of not paying the fee it was a lot more than 300 pesos. At least I know now for next year! It's funny how cheap this Annual Report fee is considering the other fees I need to pay as an ACR holder are much more. Every time I leave the country I have to pay an exit fee/tax at the airport. I hate this fee. First of all I don't understand why I have to pay a fee just because I'm leaving the country. Secondly, and this is the part that really annoys me, since I have to go to the cashier to pay this fee, they slap on an additional 500 peso fee on my exit fee (which is 770 pesos) and call it an EXPRESS LANE FEE. What? Okay, I understand why they think that makes sense ... really I do. By going to the cashier I get to bypass the regular immigration lineup therefore it takes me less time to go through immigration. But here's where I need to slap them on their collective faces because YOU'RE FORCING ME TO DO THIS!! Why are you charging me an EXPRESS LANE FEE when there's NO OTHER LINE UP YOU'RE LETTING ME GO INTO??? Let's steal some more money out of the poor expat's pockets. I grind my teeth in annoyance every time I leave the country because these fees defy logic.

So, to summarize it's 300 peso per year to stay in the country and 1270 peso every time I leave the country. I leave the country at least twice per month so that exit fee really adds up.

I'm trying to stay positive about this. I'm trying to rework it into something pleasurable. The way I'm thinking about this now is the reason it's so cheap to stay here and so expensive to leave is it's obvious the Filipino people really really love me and want me to stay. Why else would they charge me so much to leave?

From now on, we shall call this the LOVING KENN TAX, or KENN IS AWESOME TAX. You can invent your own tax title if you wish...

Friday, March 20, 2009

Happy 100th Post!

I'm please to announced that my 'Sugar' blog was my official 100th posting in the Kenniverse! Let's all collectively celebrate together no matter the timezone nor the country we live in! I'll bring the San Miguel!

Sugar

I'm sitting in a local coffee shop chain called Bo's Coffee adding a tiny bit of brown sugar to my iced americano went I noticed the guy beside me has already added five packets of sugar to his coffee and doesn't seem to be stopping anytime soon. Watching him has really reminded me how Filipinos seem to have a very avid sweet tooth. This sweet tooth goes well beyond adding insane amounts of sugar to coffee.

I've heard about Filipinos having chocolate cake for breakfast. I can barely tolerate chocolate cake in the evening let alone for breakfast.

When you order any mixed drink here, iced tea is a good example, it tends to arrive at your table oozing in sugar. Even after all this time I keep forgetting this, so when I order, and it arrives sickly sweet, I either kindly ask for a less sweet one or tolerate it, drink it down, and go through the rest of the day with a sugar-rush headache.

I remember this one time I was in a restaurant and I ordered a glass of sugarcane juice. I actually like the taste of sugarcane juice. It's surprisingly not as sweet as you would expect. It has a very nice flavour. But, for some odd reason the restaurant added what tasted like a pound of extra sugar to the sugarcane juice. What the hell? Whose bright idea was that? It's fucking sugarcane juice. It's made out of pure sugar? Why add extra to sugar to something that is already sugar? That's like forcing a sheep to wear a wool sweater. After that first taste I could feel my teeth quickly rotting away.

I just don't understand why everything here has to be so bloody sweet. If you think adding sugar to sugarcane juice is odd how about sitting down to a nice plate of sweet spaghetti. That's right, they add sugar to spaghetti sauce too. Isn't anything sacred in this world? I used to work with an Italian guy once who was fanatical about keeping Italian foods as close to old world as possible. Old traditional recipes, no modern fusion. We had many debates about the allowable ingredients a pizza should have. Being a traditionalist he thought 95% of the pizza restaurants were destroying Italian traditions (yes, he was a bit of an insane freak). I often wonder what he would think regarding Filipinos adding sugar to spaghetti sauces. He might go postal!

But you know, having Filipinos adding extra sugar to things it quite consistent with their other culinary habits. They seem to like extreme flavours. Filipino food is a combination of extreme saltiness, sweetness, and sourness. The best example I can think of that defines the Filipino palette is Bagoong Alamang with green mango. This dish effects almost every taste bud on your tongue all at once. Bagoong Alamang is shrimp paste. Think of it as the most fishy fish you've ever eaten then add lots of salt. You add it on top of green mango, which is unripe sour mango. What you end up with is an odd, but surprisingly tasty, combination that confuses your taste buds into submission. When I first tried it I wasn't sure if I liked it or not. My first impression made me think of what a sour crab apple must taste like if it was floating (and rotting) in ocean water for a few days. But, after a few more bites I found myself hooked. I'm wondering if anyone has ever tried to add sugar to the Bagoong Alamang and green mango mix. Imagine a food that effects all your taste buds at once. Your body might go into a hemorrhagic shock and you'll find yourself waking several hours later from a Bagoong Alamang coma. What a rush that would be!!

Monday, March 16, 2009

Missing in Action

I'm back! Yes, it's been a while since my last blog posting. You may wonder why I've been so lazy with the blogs lately. Looking back, when I first started this blog I was writing several blogs a week. As time went on it became several blogs a month. And now, sadly, it's become one or two blogs a month if YOU'RE LUCKY. What is the reason behind this total lack of responsibly when it comes to blog writing? Well, to be honest, I really don't have a reason. I guess I've just been lazy. I think it has a lot to do with familiarity of my experiences here in the Philippines. The longer I stay here the more familiar my experiences are; the more familiar things become the less I find them interesting; the less I find them interesting the least likely I am to write about them. It's an odd excuse I agree but I think that's the reason. My viewpoint has become so Filipino living here that I just don't see the unique Canadian perspective I once did. But, I'm attempting to work on that so hopefully within the coming weeks the Kenniverse is Pinoy blog will be teaming with fascinating and exciting experiences in the world of Pinoyness!

Now, onto the blog...

Let's see if I can summarize what has been going on in my life over the last few months. I won't bore you with basic things, IE: on November 10th, 2008 I awoke at 09:00 AM and brushed my teeth. Seriously, who really cares about that stuff (well, maybe a dentist would...), just the experiences that are noteworthy.

In November I flew back to Vancouver (without Aimee). It was my first time back in almost a year. I spent a great three weeks visiting family and friends. While there I attended Hopscotch 2008 (scotch and beer festival) with a few of my good buddies:

This photo was taken even before we started sampling all the great scotch and beers. Imagine sixty minutes later? Sixty minutes later things got a little - well - silly:

Yes, there are several rude finger profanities going on in this photo. Please don't judge us; we can't help it! We're five grown men out on an evening of drinking without our wives around to keep us sane and respectable! The book Lord of the Flies comes to mind...

Beyond drunken silliness with friends (and family) I spent the three weeks catching up with Vancouver. It's amazing how much of the city is changing with the upcoming 2010 Vancouver Olympics on its way. Olympics tourists shops are popping up all over the city and the Asian-inspired mascots (see below) seem to be plastered everywhere. In Richmond, they have already completed the Olympic speed skating rink and the Skytrain, our rapid transit rail system, finally has a station at the airport. It's not open yet but within a short time it will be.

I doubt Aimee and I will make it back to Vancouver for the 2010 Olympics but this may not be a bad thing. It's going to be impossible getting tickets for the events and imagine how insanely busy the city is going to be during that time. So no tickets to the events and sadly, no cable in our house to watch the events! We might as well stay back here in the Philippines and watch the events on the internet! We'll wave around a little Canadian flag as we do this of course!

Regarding the Vancouver 2010 mascots: I say 'Asian-inspired' because, well, to be honest, they are! Take a look:

Imagine if Hello Kitty had a birthday party and wanted to invite only characters that looked like her; the Vancouver 2010 Olympics mascots would definitely be getting an invitation for that party! I'm sure Hello Kitty would be mailing off some invitations to the mascots of the 2008 Beijing Olympics too!


What an interesting party that would be. I wonder what all the characters would talk about? What would the Vancouver mascots bring to the party? Maybe a huge slab of smoked salmon? Maple syrup cookies? BC Bud (AKA marijuana)? If Quatchi, the Vancouver Sasquatch character, were to give Jingjing, the Beijing panda character, a Vancouver magnet would he put it on his fridge? It's an interesting debate that I'm sure will go on for years.

What do I think of the Vancouver mascot characters? Personally and honestly, without any impact on the fact I live around little Asian characters everyday, I love them! I think if you're going to create a mascot for anything, make it cute. Cute mascots sell more merchandise. And if you want cute, go Asian! Hello Kitty started a trend in cuteness we've never looked back from. You can't deny it! Hello Kitty is a billionaire! I'm glad the Vancouver design team who created the mascots considered Asian cuteness! Vancouver and Asian cuteness has had a long standing relationship. Look at Expo Ernie from Vancouver's Expo 86 World Fair:

I think there's a bit of a conspiracy here. Expo Ernie isn't actually a real robot. I think Expo Ernie is actually Hello Kitty in a space suit.

See, absolutely no difference!

Since you're probably bored of mascots (and my disturbing addiction to Hello Kitty) let's get onto other things...

After my 3 week Vancouver stay in November I returned back to Manila. I spent Christmas here and was treated to a visit by my good buddy Mark. Mark is a Canadian like myself but he now lives in London, England. During his stay he took that Kenspanker jeepney photo that's now posted on the middle right-hand side of my blog. Within 5 minutes of taking that photo we saw another jeepney called the Ken&Mark. It was truly a magical day!

What a charming pair we are!

Christmas ended and Mark left. The fun didn't stop there because within a few short weeks I was back in Vancouver (with Aimee this time) for my Dad's 70th Birthday!

HAPPY 70th BIRTHDAY DAD! (now if only I could get my Dad to use the internet so he can see that birthday greeting...). Beyond the usual visiting while in Vancouver we did some shopping. Some very specific shopping. Some shopping not for us but for someone else. Someone small. Very small. Small and fleshy (I say fleshy because most of you are probably thinking I'm talking about my cat). Small, fleshy and living inside a dark place. A dark wet place. He kicks occasionally in this dark place but most of the time he sleeps. Sleeps in a fetal position... Okay, if you haven't understood what I'm talking about there's no hope for you ... ever. For the rest of you, I'm proud to announce that Aimee is 23 weeks pregnant! And it's a boy! We are both extremely overjoyed! I could go on and on about how awesome this feeling is but then I would have to change the name of this blog from The Kenniverse is Pinoy to The Kenniverse's Baby is Awesome! Maybe one day that will happen, but for now, we'll still stay in the world of pinoy!

So now that you know the news, you probably also realize I have three solid months of blog writing left before the baby zaps all my time away! Hopefully writing this blog has killed off any writer's block I had in the past! Will write more soon ... I promise!