In Case Your Rooster Gets Dirty...

I was at a grocery store the other day and I decided to see what selection of petfood they had for our cat. I found this:



This has got to be the single most funny thing I've seen in a long time!

License To Chaos

I decided to get a Filipino driver's license. Partly for driving, and partly for identification purposes. Regarding the driving part: I plan to do very little of it. Come here and try to drive using your Canadian and US standard of driving. It won't work. I see Filipino drivers as using the concept of 'organized chaos'. On first glance what you see is bumper to bumper traffic not obeying any laws; not respecting lanes; not caring if a sidewalk is meant for pedestrians; not understanding that stop signs mean 'STOP' and not 'DRIVE THROUGH QUICKLY'... I've witnessed on many occasions how a street built for three lanes of traffic somehow becomes six lanes of traffic. It's amazing. And this where I first thought, 'these people are insane, they must be the worst drivers in the world'. But now, ah, but now I've altered my view. In order to survive in this crazy world of insane traffic you really need to be a skilled driver. People will cut you off. People will squeeze in beside your car with only an inch of room and somehow not bump into you. And if you're not careful you will find yourself being pushed out of your lane and onto the sidewalk. You need to pay attention and you need to be aggressive BUT this is where it becomes 'organized chaos'. It truly is chaos but somehow it all works. I lack this skill so I probably would be the guy getting pushed onto the sidewalk. Give me time, but for now, I'm only planning to drive small distances.

Getting my Filipino driver's license: Pretty easy. Not as complicated as my ACR Card, but still worth the blog. I obviously needed a new one and Aimee needed to renew her old one.

It's easy for me to get a Filipino driver's license since I already have a British Columbian license. It's pretty much just filling out an application form, showing them my BC license, paying a fee then picking up my new license. The only small part that adds complication to the process is I needed to take a drug test and then a medical exam. Sounds easy right? Sounds like a normal thing right? Sounds like something the driver's licensing office would do for you onsite right? Nope. All drug testing and medical exams are done offsite. But thankfully, and conveniently, a few shacks were built across the street offering drug and medical tests! So here we were, Aimee and I, leaving the licensing office in search of the testing centers. The guard at the office pointed in some odd direction and said the testing centers were 'over there'. I'm starting to think directions are based on the direction these guards happen to be standing at the time you ask them. 'Over there' never seems to mean anything. So we head 'over there' and are greeted by a small man with a huge smile asking us to follow him to get a drug test. We cross the street and enter the shanty town of testing centers. As we follow him I notice we’re passing several shacks that offer drug testing. I start to wonder why he’s not taking us into any of these places. Then I start to wonder where he actually IS taking us. As my heart rate goes us we arrive at our destination: a small shack with the words ‘Drug Testing’ written in marking pen on a broken old door. We go inside and at the end of the shack there’s a small man trying to look all professional sitting at a tiny little desk. He hands us an information form (badly photocopied) asking us various questions about our health; we fill it out, sign it, and hand it back. Aimee completed her form first so she was told to give a urine sample for testing. So imagine being a female, going into a small dirty room without a proper toilet and told to pee into a cup. On first try Aimee couldn’t do it. And although the employees at the testing center were quite supportive by saying motivational things like, “you can do it Ma’am, we believe in you”, I decided to give my sample and allow Aimee a break. She drank a bottle of water in order to prepare. My sample came back … clean. No drugs. Aimee finally gave her sample and it also came back clean.

Remember the small smiling man who brought us to the drug testing center? Well, he was replaced by a different small smiling man who grabbed all our paperwork and told us to follow him to the medical testing center. Following him brought us deeper into the shanty town. We walked passed abandoned buildings, passed people’s personal dwellings, passed small cafes (they call them eateries here) with people singing karaoke… Finally we reached our destination: another small shack with the words, “Medical Testing” hand-written on the door. We entered and each of us had a medical test. The test consisted of a ten second eye exam (“Please read the first letter on the first line … Good … okay, now read the third letter on the third line … Good, you pass”) and a quick measurement of our blood pressure. Before the exam began the ‘doctor’ asked me if I was American. I said “No, I’m Canadian”. He replied with, “Oh, Canadians tend to be healthy, this shouldn’t take too long”. He was right, I passed. After Aimee passed as well we left the shack with our smiling guide. He asked us if we wanted him to do the rest of the application process for a small fee. The fee ended up being 5000 pesos (about $112 dollars Canadian). He kept telling us how difficult our day was going to be at the Licensing Office and how if he helped it would be better. We said no, collected our paperwork from him and walked back to the Licensing Office. 30 minutes later, we were done. They even gave me my license that day. In Canada they mail it to you two weeks later! So efficient this Philippines! Now to drive… (a bit).

Alien Certificate of Registration Card

If you travel into the Philippines as a tourist you only get 21 days to enjoy the country. Since I was planning on moving here 21 days just wouldn't cut it so I went through the process of becoming an immigrant. This process involves an application form, various medical tests, police clearances, financial records, proof that I'm married to a Filipino citizen, even my birth certificate to prove I'm a Canadian citizen. One of the medical tests involved getting a chest x-ray to ensure I'm not infected with Tuberculosis. This x-ray is rather large and therefore rather cumbersome; something that caused me grief later on. Once I collected all my requirements I dropped them all off at the Philippine Consulate in Vancouver. I expected to have an interview with a Consulate representative when I dropped all my requirements off. It even stated on the application form that an 'Interview with Immigration Officer' was necessary. So I go in, drop off everything, pay my application fee and was told, 'pick up your immigration visa in one week'. Huh? Where was the interview? Ithen assumed it must happen once I officially land in the Philippines. I left the office and returned a week later to collect my Canadian passport with a newly attached Philippines Immigration Visa. Upon returning I was handed a my passport and a huge envelope with the words, hand written (rather unoffical looking), "TO BE OPENED ONLY BY THE IMMIGRATION OFFICER UPON ARRIVAL IN THE PHILIPPINES". The envelope, as I said, was massive because it had that damn chest x-ray in it. And since it was to be presented to the Immigration Officer upon arrival I had to hand carry it. A minor annoyance but it didn't make any sense to me that the chest x-ray had to be shown to a doctor once I entered the Philippines. Wouldn't they have ensured I was free of Tuberculosis BEFORE I went there? Well, there was nothing I could do about it. My massive envelope and I hopped on the plane and flew to the Philippines.

I land, stand in the lineup for Immigration, hand the Immigration Officer my massive envelope and waited to see what would happen. I was still assuming there was an interview in the future since the application form (which wouldn't lie would it?) said there was. The Immigration Officer ripped open the envelope, stamped some of the paperwork with the 'official seal', stamped my passport with the 'official seal' and told me to go to the Bureau of Immigration to apply for my Alien Certificate of Registration Card (ACR Card). This card is my identification proving I'm a legal resident of the country. Now, this is where the story gets silly.

Aimee and I go to the Bureau of Immigration office to apply for the ACR. Once we arrive one of the guards out in the street notices my massive envelope and mumbles something about 'Quarantine' but gets so frustrated that we don't understand that he just lets us go in. Once in the building an employee tells us we don't need to be there. Our first step needs to be the Quarantine Office where they will look at my chest x-ray, give me a physical (didn't I already have one in Canada?) and decide if I'm healthy enough to be a resident. After that, he says, I go to a different Bureau of Immigration Office that's a 'One Stop Shop' for all your immigration needs.

We go to the Quarantine Office, the representative looks at my chest x-ray, looks through all my various pages of all the medical tests I did, and after stamping with another 'official seal' directs me to the payment desk. I pay the fee and then get directed to a back room for my physical. My physical consisted of only checking my blood pressure. I knew I passed this part successfully when I noticed one of the employees was stamping my passport 'APPROVED' even BEFORE my physical had completed. Thank you, I am healthy, now back to the 'One Stop Shop'.

Chaos. It's a good word and it's an awesome word to describe the 'One Stop Shop'. We walk in and the office is jam packed with people. I have in my hand my approved medical paperwork and an application for my ACR Card. But there's no clear direction about who I show this to. I see a finger printing station, I see a photo taking station, I see some fee payment booths and other booths listing off services I've never heard of. There's no aircon and it's bloody hot (this is the Philippines after all). We ask the guard at the door where I start and he points in some odd direction that doesn't seem to represent any where in the office. So I go stand in line in front of one of the ambiguous booths because it looked like he was pointing in that direction. He wasn't so that was wasted time. Finally after various bad decisions and incorrect line ups we spoke to some low level employee - for his privacy let's call him Pinoyboy. We asked him, "Where do we start the process for the ACR Card?". "You start with me" (please keep in mind that most conversations were in Tagalog between Aimee and the representatives). We (Aimee) asked him how long it takes to get the ACR Card once the application is completed. "6 weeks", he says. "6 weeks?", Aimee says, "Is there anyway to speed up the process?" (We had a trip planned to go to Hong Kong in two weeks and without that ACR Card I'm not allowed to leave the country). Pinoyboy replies, "Oh, there are ways ... for say, 2000 pesos". This isn't like asking the Canadian Passport Office for speed service to get your passport faster. This is quite ... different. Pinoyboy is some low level employee so Aimee and I were a little nervous about getting 'speed service' from him. We talked it over, weighed the options, thought about the 'service charge' price which is really only $45 Canadian and said, "yes, but we want to stay with you every step of the way". He paused, then put on a smile and said, "Ok". He took my finger prints, got me to sign some forms, and as we followed him around the office, around another office down the street, and back to the original office, I noticed him whispering to various other employees who were obviously part of this 'service charge speed service'. I started to wonder if I was witnessing a group of rogue Immigration Office Employees who share the money or if the 'service charges' are encouraged by the government to fund the services. It's hard to say of course, but all I know is our Pinoyboy and his friends fulfilled their agreement: a week later I received my ACR Card. The card is professional and it's real. I really hate the photo they took of me but at least now I can leave the country if I need to.

Oh, did you happen to notice I never had an "Official Interview" ... the application form did lie. :)

ARC Card: Done

Next stop: a Philippines Driver's License

The Kenniverse is Pinoy: The Beginning

On July 31st, 2007, we left Vancouver for our new home in Manila, Philippines. We took Philippine Airlines which is a straight 12 hour flight. Our travel companions consisted of Aimee's brother, his wife, and their 3 month old baby. An additional travel companion which unfortunately was only allowed to travel in the plane's cargo hold was our cat Daphne. I'm sure most of you have been on airplanes before so this blog is more about Daphne's experiences than ours. Our flight was essentially like any other flight: uncomfortable seats, badly prepared food... but I'm sure Daphne's flight was quite different. Aimee and I hired a company called World Wide Animal Travel. They specialize in shipping animals around the world. They helped us with the import requirements, the medical requirements and basically anything needed to transport Daphne from Vancouver to Manila. The day we left the country our flight wasn't until 11:30 at night. We dropped Daphne off at World Wide Animal Travel (conveniently located by the Vancouver International Airport) at 3pm for some last minute medical check ups required for transport. World Wide Animal Travel (WWAT) placed her into a travel crate, slapped on some 'Live Animal' and 'This Way Up' stickers on the crate, taped on some identification paperwork and she was all set to travel. Aimee and I left WWAT and headed home to do some last minute packing and preparing for our flight. Evening came and we headed for the airport. It was odd feeling stepping on the plane this time. Every plane ride for me in the past was filled with excitement at the prospect of having an awesome holiday filled with new exciting experiences. Although my thoughts were filled with the excitement our new life in the Philippines will bring I couldn't help thinking about the family and friends I was leaving behind. Not to mention I know exactly what to expect from my Vancouver life on a daily basis. The Philippines is a different country, a different world with different ways of dealing with the day to day life. I was about to be a stranger in a strange land and no amount of excitement for my new life could overshadow the fact that deep down, I was terrified. But this is where my Father-like instincts click in: although I had my own fears, I decided to put them on hold and think about my poor kitty in the cargo hold.

Let's go forward in time by 12 hours ... the plane lands in Manila.

When we left WWAT they told us the process of picking up Daphne from cargo would be an easy one. We were told, "once you arrive go to quarantine, show them her cargo claim number and they will give her to you”. Sounds easy right? Well, it wasn’t that easy … not even close. We walked over to the quarantine booth and were told the paperwork we were given to collect Daphne wasn’t original and only the original paperwork was accepted. The silly thing is the original paperwork was taped to Daphne’s crate so how were we suppose to get the original paperwork from Daphne when were weren’t allowed to pick her up? We were told she was probably still being held in Philippine Airlines cargo building which was actually … get this … outside the airport. So we hopped in the car and drove there. On arrival to cargo we were told only one person could enter the building at a time. We figured it was best that Aimee be the one since she understood the language. She entered the building and I sat and waited. The person at cargo said we didn't have all the required paperwork yet (different paperwork than first requested by quarantine) so Aimee had to walk back to Terminal 2 which is the Arrivals section and had to buy a gate pass, fill it up, take it to quarantine (remember we were told to leave the airport and go to cargo … now they were telling Aimee to go back. You can’t enter the airport unless you have a valid plane ticket. Since Aimee didn’t have a valid ticket seeing as our flight was in the PAST she was force to buy a gate pass), pay taxes on Daphne (the paperwork counter and payment counters are side by side so just picture Aimee side stepping between the two of them several times do get all the required paperwork and fees paid), then head back to cargo where they further asked her to pay handling charges before they release Daphne to us. They said it would have been easier for us if we just checked Daphne in as luggage. Easy enough to say but luggage isn't temperature or oxygen controlled. So clearing her out was actually a terrible experience. Obviously all this stress was effecting Aimee more than me. I was sitting in a car with aircon waiting for her. The worse part Aimee said is she could see Daphne's cage in the distance and wasn't allowed to see her until all this political nonsense was dealt with. From what Aimee tells me the airline placed Daphne's cage with all the other cargo things - therefore boxes - while a forklift drove by crashing and smashing into things. Daphne was certainly freaked out and when Aimee asked if someone could place Daphne in a quieter area they refused to. Finally Aimee had Daphne and brought her to the car. She was freaked out obviously but within a few days she was eating, drinking and purring like normal.

Luggage: check
Cat: check
New life officially starts … wait for it … NOW!

Next stop, getting my immigrant residency card…